Are you old enough to remember the Dating Game television show? A man or woman would sit on one side of a screen while three suitors sat on the other side. The contestant would then ask a series of silly questions designed to bring out responses that would entertain the audience while the contestant tried to figure out which of the three was the best match for a date—sort of a speed Bachelorette show, only with fewer tears.
Trying to figure out which was a good prospect was comical and entertaining, and it was almost impossible, given the 20 minutes or so, to interact without seeing the three suitors. The audience, however, could see both the contestant and the three suitors and could better determine who might be the better fit.
So let’s fast forward to today when many of us have engaged in a similar Dating Game of our own. When we sign up for a dating site such as Match.com, we are thrown into the lion’s den with little experience or training and often lack self-confidence.
Dating can be scary enough when we are young, but at least then, we knew most of the girls and later women whom we met and asked out. Often, they had been school classmates or workmates for long enough for us to get to know one another. That took some of the fear out of it, and a continuous stream of input and advice from friends and family helped us to navigate this uncertain journey.
But now, when we interact online with women we don’t know, whose biographies or photos may be deceiving, it isn’t easy to know what to expect. Unlike the dates of old when we went to a movie or dance, now we get 30 to 60 minutes over coffee or a glass of wine with our dates. This small amount of time, plus what we learned about them online, is insufficient to really know a person, much less form a bond.
So, the question is, how can we participate in this new Dating Game without making bad choices or possibly a fool of ourselves? You can find several books online and at your local bookstore. My book included over 25 pages on dating. If you are new to the dating pool, I recommend you use the books, blogs, podcasts, and available articles.
For this article, the following highlights key points for your consideration. (Please note these points are intended for those seeking real relationships rather than one-night stands).
- Confront the belief that you must leave your wife behind when you start dating – It takes a while, but you can and do learn how to make room for two women in your new life. The one you loved before and still do, and the one you are with now. You learn to rebalance your love for both without diminishing either one.
- Don’t fall in love with the first woman who is nice to you – During the first year; we may feel desperate to find another woman to hold, touch, and be intimate with. We often mistake the first opportunity as the real thing and go head over heels for the new relationship. This can lead to horrendous mistakes that are difficult to escape.
- Take it slow and steady when you find someone special – Your parents’ advice to you and your kids is still valid. If this new relationship is real and meant to become something special, you and she will not be hurt because you take a bit longer to ensure it is on solid ground.
- Most importantly, become comfortable with who you are before entering a serious relationship. Knowing who you are now is an important part of how you present yourself to your new friend. This process of redefining yourself can often take one to two years or even longer.
- Finally, be yourself – once you have established who this new you is, it is much easier to be yourself when you are out with your new friend. Doing so makes for a better foundation for your new relationship.
© Copyright 2023 Fred Colby
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