QUICK HITTERS # 3

Quick Hitters are brief responses to Questions posed by author Fred Colby to his fellow WSN contributors. They offer a variety of perspectives on some of the most challenging questions facing new widowers. Enjoy.

QUESTION: What is the most important thing for me to do for myself after my wife dies?

Jesse Brisendine –

Gather a support system around you, people willing to support you in your healing, and call you out if you stray into a self-destructive path.

Make a daily commitment to doing something that you know in your heart your wife would want you to do, no matter how big or small. Do this to honor her.

Establish a consistent exercise routine. Strength training is an absolute must. 

Give yourself time to feel. Cry, scream, etc. Each of those feelings is valid.  What you do not express, you will depress. Let it out.

Jim Winner:

The biggest thing you need to do after your wife dies is to take care of yourself. Physically, spiritually, and emotionally. Look out for number one! This is your time to put yourself first. If you are like many of us, you’ve been a caregiver for a long time, and your needs have gone by the wayside.

Christine Baumgartner:

• Spend time with good friends and loving family.
• Cry – Real men do cry
• Eat
• Cry
• Sleep
• Cry
• Scream
• Be very gentle with yourself and your emotions.
• Cry
• Realize and believe that however you feel (and don’t feel) is entirely normal.
• Cry
• Trust that the truly awful feelings will get lighter over time.
• Cry
• Know you’ll always love and miss her and that you can find love again if you wish.

Abel Keough:

Take time to figure out what you want the next phase of your life to look like. Don’t feel rushed to make big decisions. Meditate. Think. Pray. Once you know what you want, it makes the journey more manageable.

Morris Isara:

Isolation kills. Stay connected with the important people in your life–church, close friends, and especially family. Not only have I lost my wife, but my children and grandchildren have lost their mother and grandmother. Healing comes quicker when we grieve together.

Michael K. Burroughs: 

Mourn her. Grief is love with no place to go. Mourning is a natural occurrence. The mourning will end. Grief will last a lifetime, but you will be able to integrate it into your life. Vow to love yourself, too. Care for your spiritual, physical, and mental health.  Honor your deceased wife, but don’t enshrine her. She wants you to live the life she can no longer live. Live it to the fullest.