Going it Alone

My dear brothers, of the many things I was not prepared for when becoming a widower, finding a satisfying relationship with another woman has proved to be the most daunting.  For those of you that have found either a meaningful relationship or true love again, I salute you.  Me, not so fortunate so far.

For the sake of transparency, I must admit I believe I have come to enjoy this newfound freedom.  However, some aspects of it just flat out are unpleasant.  I miss the sound and the dynamic of having someone else in the house.  I miss sharing my bed with someone else.  I miss impromptu conversations that would pop up that I did not have to make a call to have.  I miss the sound of laughter that was not manufactured by the television.  I guess I miss my Robyn!

But take heart, my brothers, I am starting to figure it out.  I have changed my expectations.  Along with changing my expectations, I have changed my approach.  Instead of seeking someone with all the qualities that I am seeking, I have started to find them in more than one woman.  See, I have found a great conversationalist in one, another that soon will be joining me on our first trip together, and a good friend in a third.  Maybe I am on to something.  Yet the best part is that each of them is very content in their role in my life, at least for now!

As I have stated several times in my articles, I am not alone.  I have a great family and a few friends.  Meaningful projects and young people that entrust me to help shape their career paths through mentorship are among the many pursuits that bring value to my life.  My spiritual path is always revealing, and I have the honor of sharing it with you, brothers.

So, with all that going on, who needs companionship?  I do!  I believe that balance is one of the keys to long-term personal happiness and high performance overall in life.  For decades I have done my best to pursue that delicate balance.

One of the most satisfying aspects of discovering these new relationships was the ease of how each developed.  They did not grow out of some grand plan; they just developed.  Note to step, “quit trying so hard,” and trust your natural flow.

Another satisfying aspect is that none of these relationships have great expectations.  I will accept and enjoy the companionship if they last a year or for the rest of my life.  Maybe I am naïve in believing that deeper feelings may develop, but for now, I am enjoying the stage I am in.

As always, I welcome your feedback and look forward to sharing this platform with you in the future.  Be well.

Terrell Whitener is an author, motivational speaker, and coach.  Based in St. Louis, Missouri, Terrell is the author of The First 365, Learning to Live After Loss.  Terrell can be reached at his newly redesigned thedebriefgroup365.com.  There, you will find all my social media contacts or through the Widow Support Network.