-
Another Milestone
As the 25th of August was nearing, I had ample time to reflect on the second anniversary of my wife, Jan’s, passing. For several days, I thought of little else. On the 25th, I went to our local supermarket and bought a bouquet of pink roses—her favorite—and drove to our church, where her cremains are…
-
Surprises
My Late wife, Jan, and I were in a terrible car crash in January 2018. She spent seven hours in surgery, was hospitalized for a month, and was at home as an invalid for the next four months. Outpatient rehab followed for the remainder of the year. The car we were in that day was…
-
My Breakout Year
Several months ago, I shared that 2023 would be my “breakout year.” At the time, I didn’t know what that meant, except I intended to focus on myself and the beginning of my new life following the loss of my beloved Jan, my wife and soul mate, for 51 years. I had spent the second…
-
Selflessness
One of our brothers, Randy Ritua, recently posted a story initially posted by Teresa Presgraves Jones about her father suddenly losing his wife of 55 years. Like all of us, he was shattered. Shortly after her funeral, late one night, he insisted his grown kids take him to the cemetery immediately. Reluctantly they agreed. It…
-
The Billiard Table
So many of us have commented on this site about how often triggers hijack us. I’m no different in that regard. I get hit up all the time. Having lived 39 years in the same neighborhood and township, I am constantly reminded of my life with my beloved Jan almost everywhere I go. I am…
-
Our Healing Community
I’ve been writing lately about my grief support group. I’ve been playing the role of “player-coach.” Having never been a part of a support group before, it has been an enlightening experience. I’m sure I’m not alone in the support group world of being both a participant and facilitating a group at the same time,…
-
Softening Triggers
We talk about them all the time, those things that ambush us when we think we’re doing OK. For me, music causes the most pain, and it hits you in the craziest places—not just the radio. If I hear a song on the radio that causes me pain, I immediately change the station—avoidance at all…
-
Metamorphosis
I have recently experienced my first grief support group. It was a baptism by fire. The hospice for which I volunteer is a large one. It is the practice of hospices to provide bereavement support to survivors of hospice patients. Leading this support is the bereavement coordinator, a licensed clinical social worker, and a small…
-
Testing the Water
I never expected to be writing this column. I have made it my practice to write about things I am personally going through or have already experienced. I thought about not writing on today’s topic but decided it would be cheating. The fact is, I am in the midst of this now. What is “this”? …
-
What Have I Learned in 18 Months
I have never paid more attention to milestones than I have since losing my wife. I’m on the cusp of 18 months without her, and it hit me recently that I am in a much different place than I was 18 months ago. I recently had this discussion with my grief counselor. I have been…
Widowers Support Network 