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The Billiard Table
So many of us have commented on this site about how often triggers hijack us. I’m no different in that regard. I get hit up all the time. Having lived 39 years in the same neighborhood and township, I am constantly reminded of my life with my beloved Jan almost everywhere I go. I am…
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Our Healing Community
I’ve been writing lately about my grief support group. I’ve been playing the role of “player-coach.” Having never been a part of a support group before, it has been an enlightening experience. I’m sure I’m not alone in the support group world of being both a participant and facilitating a group at the same time,…
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Softening Triggers
We talk about them all the time, those things that ambush us when we think we’re doing OK. For me, music causes the most pain, and it hits you in the craziest places—not just the radio. If I hear a song on the radio that causes me pain, I immediately change the station—avoidance at all…
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Metamorphosis
I have recently experienced my first grief support group. It was a baptism by fire. The hospice for which I volunteer is a large one. It is the practice of hospices to provide bereavement support to survivors of hospice patients. Leading this support is the bereavement coordinator, a licensed clinical social worker, and a small…
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Testing the Water
I never expected to be writing this column. I have made it my practice to write about things I am personally going through or have already experienced. I thought about not writing on today’s topic but decided it would be cheating. The fact is, I am in the midst of this now. What is “this”? …
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What Have I Learned in 18 Months
I have never paid more attention to milestones than I have since losing my wife. I’m on the cusp of 18 months without her, and it hit me recently that I am in a much different place than I was 18 months ago. I recently had this discussion with my grief counselor. I have been…
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Taking Stock in 2023
January 25th marked the seventeenth month since my wife of 51 years transitioned to the Other Side. I recently reviewed what I have gone through during that time—what has worked for me and what has not. I should say at the outset that I am in a much better place than I was a year…
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Knowing That You Care
I had a delightful surprise yesterday. The hospice where I volunteer as a minister to men who are caregivers and widowers asked me to co-facilitate a grief support group they had recently formed after over a year of not providing one. The first of eight meetings was yesterday. There were 22 attendees, plus the facilitator…
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New Beginnings
During the last four months of 2021, I was mourning the loss of my wife, Jan, to a fatal stroke after 26 months as an invalid resulting from three other strokes. I went to Tennessee to visit my sister two months after the funeral, and went to Colorado over Christmas to visit with my son…
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Pathfinder
To a man, we are stepping into Christmas with much trepidation or resignation. Without our wives, it is, for some, a terrible time and, for others, at best, a melancholy time. For me, this year will be melancholy. But I told my grief therapist today (whom I still see twice a month) that there is…
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