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Permission to Change
My wife and I slept in a king-size bed in the final years of her life. After her death, I continued to sleep in that massive bed, but always on my side, not hers. It was a comfortable bed, but I found I was swimming all over it at night, and it was hard to…
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Memory and Memories
Our memories, in many ways, are a storehouse of who we are. Remembering past events tells you something about who you are. We widow-men face practical issues of memory: our ability to remember names, appointments, and where we have left things. There are also memories that we want to keep: mental pictures of scenes we…
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Cooking
During my married life, there were periods of several years when I did more cooking than my wife, though she was a good cook. Her professional life kept her away from home for many evenings, so I cooked. I enjoyed cooking, and I was reasonably good at it. We enjoyed our quiet meals together at…
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Laundry
With the holidays behind us, we widow-men may feel relieved to return to the mundane duties of normal life. If you had house guests, you may still have a backlog of laundry. “Marriage is about the most expensive way for the average man to get laundry done.” Burt Reynolds A lady friend told me about…
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Christmas
Holidays are an especially hard time for those who are grieving, and Christmas may be the hardest for those who especially love it. My wife died on October 25, 2010, so Christmas came two months after her death. My three adult children were coming for the holiday with the four young grandchildren we had then,…
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Forgiveness
In the old movie, “Love Story,” the lead character says, “Being in love means never needing to say you’re sorry.” In fact, loving another person means often saying you’re sorry unless you are such a perfect person that you never blunder into a thoughtless talk or fail to show sympathy and support when you should.…
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Fear
I was surprised to find myself fearing some things that I hadn’t feared before, or hadn’t feared as much before she died. When I knew I would be alone in the house for the first time after her death, I was afraid of what my emotional reaction might be. I asked my son and his…
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Emotions
Quotation: “You won’t always feel the way you do now.” – C.S. Lewis Emotions sometimes seem more real than reality itself. In a time of grief and loss, our emotions are deeper and stronger than at any other time. We feel that we may burst into tears or maybe even collapse because of these feelings…
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Alone Again
When my wife died, one of the first things I noticed was the silence. Now there was only silence where she once had been. I especially longed to hear her voice; I still do. The house suddenly seemed large and hollow. Soon after she died, my mind raced back to the days just before I…
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From Mourning to Grief
Scripture tells us to mourn with those who mourn; it does not say to grieve with those who grieve – but we should. Mourning and grief are not the same. Mourning has a beginning and a distinct end, but grief goes on much longer. Mourning is made up of rituals and procedures that immediately follow…
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