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I feel good, is that ok?
Today is a cool, clear, and beautiful Indiana summer day. As I write this, I am sitting in my courtyard, listening to the birds sing. The flowers are in full bloom, and kids wave to me as they ride their bikes by my house. It all feels right. I feel good. But wait. Is that…
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Poker with Friends
These last couple of months, while we have been sheltering in place here in California, I have had the pleasure of joining in on a zoom call and playing poker with a group of friends I have known for many years. These aren’t just friends; they are my fraternity brothers from my days at UC…
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Memory and Memories
Our memories, in many ways, are a storehouse of who we are. Remembering past events tells you something about who you are. We widow-men face practical issues of memory: our ability to remember names, appointments, and where we have left things. There are also memories that we want to keep: mental pictures of scenes we…
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Trust, you must. Can you?
“But blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in him. They will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and…
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Widower: It Will Never Be the Same Again!
One of the hardest intellectual and emotional tipping points to achieve in a widower’s healing grief journey is when you turn your thought away from the past toward the future. Five years ago, I began my grief journey. For several months I was buried in stomach wrenching physical and mental pain which included my constantly…
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Dreams Unfulfilled
As I pulled up to the traffic light at Highway #1604 and Blanco Rd. in San Antonio, I looked over to my right and saw a car pulling up beside me. In it was an elderly couple, each with their radiant silver hair. I immediately felt a sadness come over me as I was on…
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How to get over a breakup
Navigating Painful Breakups without losing yourself You found him! You’re so happy! Everything in life feels brighter and better. You talk for hours. There’s a huge connection and chemistry between you. You feel like a teenager again! You start to think there might be a future with this relationship. And then… it ends. This…
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“A rose by any other name”
Joyce was always my biggest cheerleader. Many years ago, she encouraged me to become a Master Gardener. The process was a great experience and I learned a lot. Joyce loved our garden. She was proud of my work, and I delighted in creating a beautiful space for us. In the past several weeks, I’ve spent…
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Falling Backwards
Over the last week, I have been hit by several large waves of grief. It has been a long time since I have felt like this. First, I want to talk about triggers and what I think kicked it off for me, so I’m starting with a bit of a rant here. Maybe the trigger…
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I Don’t Know Everything!
WSN-MO: Widower to Widower with Fred Colby And… more than likely, neither do you. One of the biggest shocks of entering deep grieving as a widower is the realization of how ill-prepared we are to deal with it… much less survive it! And yet, widowers will often say things like: “I don’t need any help,”…