Hello: Is Anyone Still Out There?

Recently, I have gone through a personal inventory. Of the many aspects of my life, I have looked at is the quality of the relationships in my life. I am sure like many other people you hear the phrase, “ you can call me anytime”. Except when you chose to call. Let’s have lunch, “except the dates you are available”, or my favorite I will call you right back I just have to run into the store. It’s a month later, does the store have a black hole?

I have found myself choosing to disengage from those that have exhibited those behaviors in my life. Or maybe I have joined the two old men in the balcony of the Muppet show that complains about everything.

One of the relationship tools that I truly believe in is the 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman. My primary love language is “quality time”. I must admit however in a few of my relationships I norm toward quantity/quality time. It is in those relationships that when I don’t have access, I am most aggravated.

Another determination that I find irritating is this whole widow/widower engagement thing. I often hear widows ask why widowed men don’t want to join their groups or won’t talk about their feelings. While I don’t choose to traffic in absolutes, I often feel like offering my honest observations. These  observations in my experiences are that discerning men can tell that you just want to know that you are desired but have no interest in forming a true relationship, that your new found freedom is far more attractive than the work you know if takes to be in a meaningful relationship and many already have a new partner in life, his name is Jesus. I am in no way trying to be blasphemous by that statement, but hyper-religious sentiment is rampant in the widow community.

I am so fortunate to be a man that has found love again. My new love is very different form my prior love and affords my a breath of emotional fresh air in my life. Many of my widower brothers have not found that second wind yet, but hang in there, it will come. I truly believe there is someone out there if it is our desire.

Lastly, I want to share a bit about being afforded the opportunity to offer my thoughts with the members of the community we call the Widowers Support Network. Daily, we can read and respond to the thoughts of some exceptionally talented and knowledgeable writers and professionals. As one of them, I know that they take not only their time, but truly try to grow and respond to the needs of this group. Take the time to respond to their work. I am not asking you to like every thought we share, but let us know you are still out there. It means a lot.

As always, I appreciate having the opportunity to share my thoughts with you.


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