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Reminiscing – does it hurt, or does it heal?
How often have people tried to console you after losing your loved one with the cliché, “Thank God you have your memories?” My memories were my worst nightmare! They were a constant reminder of my loss. They brought me no consolation. Yet, for others they browse through pictures and videos reliving precious moments. Each of…
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Learning From Each Other
All widowers… you, me, and the guy down the street… all have something in common. We are going, or have gone, through hell on earth. We may have different experiences on this journey, but we also have many commonalities, especially if we were fortunate enough to have a good and loving marriage. We can support…
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Dreams of your Wife
I had a beautiful, vivid dream about my wife recently. In the dream, she had been in bed with me but had gotten up. I waited for her to return, but she didn’t come back. I wondered for a few minutes why she hadn’t returned, but then I awakened enough to realize that she had…
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Pathfinder
To a man, we are stepping into Christmas with much trepidation or resignation. Without our wives, it is, for some, a terrible time and, for others, at best, a melancholy time. For me, this year will be melancholy. But I told my grief therapist today (whom I still see twice a month) that there is…
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It’s the Holiday Season, and Grief doesn’t take a break
Yes, it is that time of the year again. It’s when family and friends gather to celebrate the special days: Thanksgiving, Hanukkah, Christmas, and Kwanzaa, punctuated by office parties, friends gathering to share a meal, some drinks, and a bunch of laughs and lots of good times. They are described in word and song as…
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Autumn Leaves
In some of my previous articles, I mentioned how I was a member of some cover bands during my teenage years. It was the sixties. Growing up in Nashville, the influence of country music surrounded me, yet it did not interest me. I was a big Beach Boys and Beatles fan (among others). Yet, to…
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Accepting Your Partner’s Faults
By Fred Colby “Mother Theresa” is what my daughters and many of her friends called my wife during her lifetime. This was initially inspired when she dressed up like Mother Theresa during a Halloween celebration at Wangenheim Middle School, where she worked part-time. She carried a donation jar labeled “Help Mother Theresa Go to the…
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Familiar Places
Familiar Places I know this happens to you. As you travel around your town, you pass by many places that were once either special or routine to you and your late wife. If you’re like me, sometimes you pass by them absentmindedly. Other times it brings tears to your eyes. For me, the places are…
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So Tied To You
My late wife, Jan, loved music. Her tastes in music varied widely. We began dating in 1969, on the tail end of the fabulous 60s era of music. Our first decade of marriage was the 70s. The best songs of that era stayed with us throughout her life, as they reminded us of happy times…
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Life After Death?
After our wife passes, many of us will ask the question we desperately want an answer to: “Does she still exist? Is she still aware of me? Can she hear me or see me? Is there any way for me to communicate with her?” No matter our religious beliefs, some struggle to make sense of…
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