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Testing the Water
I never expected to be writing this column. I have made it my practice to write about things I am personally going through or have already experienced. I thought about not writing on today’s topic but decided it would be cheating. The fact is, I am in the midst of this now. What is “this”? …
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Giving up the darkness in my life
A few days ago, I had a conversation with my grief counselor, who also happens to be an Episcopal priest. Father Joe, as he is affectionately known, has an abundance of wisdom combined with immeasurable compassion and a keen sense of understanding the human spirit. I told him I knew this was his “busy season”…
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Younger Widowers and Tuition
A young widow wondered: How can I ever pay their tuition? WILL BEING A PARENT ON YOUR OWN PUT YOUR CHILDREN’S FUTURE EDUCATION AT RISK? My kids’ post-secondary educations were taken care of well before my wife died. Younger solo parents may be far less prepared. When Mary passed away in 2020, my kids were…
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10 Dating Tips for Widows and Widowers
Dating again after the death of a spouse can be an awkward experience. It can bring out feelings of guilt and betrayal from the person dating again. It can also bring out confusion and concern from friends, family, and those close to the deceased spouse. If you’ve lost a spouse and are looking to date…
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How Long Does it Take to Get to Know Someone?
Abel, I’m truly glad things worked out for you. I don’t know your story other than your late wife shot herself to death when she was pregnant. Personally, I could never marry someone in the kind of short time periods you talk about. And I wonder (and feel uncomfortable saying this… but you have chosen…
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QUICK HITTERS # 1
Quick Hitters are brief responses to questions from author Fred Colby to his fellow WSN contributors. They offer a variety of perspectives on some of the most challenging questions facing new widowers. Enjoy. Quick Hitter Question: When can I start dating again? (PART 1) Contributor: Jesse Brisendine You can start dating whenever you want. The…
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Leaving Your House Forever
My wife died in October 2010, and I lived alone in my house in Indianapolis until recently. She and I bought our house in 1993 when we moved from another state. At that time, our three children lived at home and were in grades 11, 8, and 4 at school. One by one, the kids…
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Role Changes After Loss
Many of us have lived two lives concurrently. The first is our Home-Life, with our wife and family. Most of us also have or had a Work-Life with our co-workers, customers, bosses, etc. Each of these lives is often very different and distinct from the other. If we become too immersed in one, the other…
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What Have I Learned in 18 Months
I have never paid more attention to milestones than I have since losing my wife. I’m on the cusp of 18 months without her, and it hit me recently that I am in a much different place than I was 18 months ago. I recently had this discussion with my grief counselor. I have been…
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The Past
Recently I had a number of conversations with family and friends about the past. The collective consensus from our group discussions was as follows: the past gives meaning to our lives; it’s what defines us. It started when each of us was born x number of years ago. It defined our family, the schools we…