After They Are Gone

There are many lessons that I have learned from my late wife long after she has left this earth. There are times that it takes on a cruel irony, and at other times it is a source of great comfort. However, throughout this process, I have come to realize that these lessons have become one of the “cornerstones” of my existence.

I want to share just a few of the many lessons I’ve learned over these last six and a half years since my wife has passed away.

The Time to Love is in the Moment

I have been fortunate not to be bound by regret but fortified by reflection in managing my loss. I mean by this statement that my thoughts run in remembering the happy times while owning any missteps as a learning tool. Now I know that this sounds very existential at first glance, but I did the best I could with what I knew at the time. Far too many of us have fallen prey to the back seat driving of others when trying to regain our footing after the loss of our loved ones. I, for one, gave no quarter to such banter. The opinions of others were just that, their opinion. I held fast to the fact that others were observers of but not participants in our love. They didn’t have then and certainly don’t have now a vote in the legacy of our love.

Laugh Everyday

One of the things I miss the most is the sound of laughter in my house. Robyn and I laughed constantly. I feel that it contributed to the quality of the life she lived until the end. I now realize how difficult it must have been to be as ill as she was but admire her ability to find the strength to love me enough to laugh. What a gift our laughter was.

If you Are Blessed Enough to Love Again, it will be Different

I believe that all love is not created equal. I have shared with you brothers that I don’t think I have the strength to handle another Robyn. This understanding brings me comfort. Full disclosure, I am in the early stages of a new relationship and thoroughly enjoy the discovery stage I now find myself enjoying. While initially terrified at the start, I am doing alright so far. I can’t call it love yet, but the energy and added emotional bandwidth she brings provides is just what the doctor ordered.

Time Is Important

I have grown to respect time. We always say it goes by so fast, but does it? I have become one of those individuals that are committed to not wasting this gift called time. My stewardship of time has made me very discerning with what I do and who I do it with. I seldom do things without some thought or purpose other than taking time to rest. I love taking time to rest. I used to feel it was wasting time. I got over that feeling. So, take the time to respect time. Be the captain of your clock. Fill your days with what makes you happy as much as possible.

There are countless other lessons I could share, but enough for now. We continue to learn long after they are gone. I have found continued learning to be a comfortable part of my existence. A place where I can go to see her essence. A place that I am very familiar

Terrell Whitener is an author, motivational speaker, and coach. Based in St. Louis, Missouri, Terrell is the author of The First 365, Learning to Live After Loss. Terrell can be reached at his newly redesigned thedebriefgroup365.com, where you will find all my social media contacts or through the Widow Support Network.