Perspective

Our journey after loss consists of many trials, revelations, and missteps throughout life’s evolution. Once the reality of our new life settles in, perspective becomes our great friend.

Fifteen years after Dana died, I lost my high-powered grocery executive career, which led to eventual financial ruin.

For so many years, my job was my identity. I had tied the success of my career to my success as a man. The anger and rage from Dana’s early death initially became a strength as it fueled the intensity that drove me up the corporate ladder. But it eventually sabotaged me as this anger and rage made me toxic towards others.

Once the loss of my career happened, I saw many of the same traits in people that I saw when Dana died. The useless platitudes returned, and several people I thought were my friends disappeared. But after my career fall, a shift began to happen; I started a long road of self-reflection and awareness.

I started to be true about myself and ultimately understood that my most recent losses had much to do with me. It’s easy to feel sorry for yourself and dwell on being a victim. My advice is to do all that you can to resist this. Use these new turning points to build upon your strengths while being honest about dealing with your weaknesses.

 I financially lost everything at the peak of what traditionally should have been my top income earning years. If I had been told this would happen, I would have imagined that I would have been devastated and at rock bottom. But it wasn’t like that. With what I had gone through years earlier after the loss of Dana, it was vividly apparent that I was now nowhere near rock bottom.

I had already been to rock bottom when I lost Dana. I rose from that and knew deep inside that I would also rise from this. Losing my career and losing everything financially wasn’t anywhere near as low as I had been before; thus, the strength I found in this realization was enormous.

I genuinely believe that after losing our soulmate and finding our unique way to survive, we can conquer anything else life throws our way. I continue to see it in myself again and again.

In more recent years, my wife suffered a freak accident, nearly died, and had to relearn to walk and talk. She had a traumatic brain injury, and I became her caregiver. My experience and outlook on loss and perspective allowed me to be the best version of myself and understand that we could indeed handle our new reality.

Beginning in December 2021, I was hospitalized for 53 days with Covid-pneumonia. I was on the cusp of death, with my oxygen level going as low as 50. My medical records show that in those first days, I had a “high probability of expiration overnight.”

But I fought hard, stayed positive, and didn’t allow fear near me. My doctors credit how I used the understanding and strength from all I conquered previously to save my life.

I now suffer from neurological issues from the Hypoxia that occurred with the lack of oxygen to my brain. I have respiratory failure, nerve damage, and extreme fatigue. I have been deemed permanently disabled by long-term disability insurance and Social Security, so I am now “medically retired.”

My wife and I are now each other’s caregivers, as I have many similar issues with her injury.

I’m grateful that I’ve been able to use the perspective from my profound loss to finally move forward to a life with deep awareness and ultimate resilience. For me, perspective paved the path to peace.

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Bob is a member of the “Widower’s Support Network – Members Only” since December 2020.