What’s your mountain?

I live in Indiana.  It’s flat.  Think pancake flat.  But I’m climbing a mountain.  So are you.  As surviving spouses, we all climb the “second mountain” in life.

I just finished an interesting book titled The Second Mountain.  While the book isn’t written from a grief perspective, it speaks to many of our challenges.  As people who have lost our mates, we have been tossed off our first mountain.  We have found ourselves in the valley of sadness, loss, discovery, reinvention, and hopefully recovery.  As we work our way through the valley, we eventually begin our ascent up the next mountain.

Our first mountain consisted of jobs, houses, kids, and a life that probably revolved largely around our roles as partners in a marriage.  With the loss of our spouses, we find ourselves thrown off the first mountain into that valley.  But we cannot let ourselves stay in the valley forever.  I compare the trip through that valley and up the next mountain to our relationship and journey with grief.  It’s a process, not a destination.

As I climb my second mountain, I find that some of the trails are steeper than the rest.  I’ve learned that the most challenging part of the walk demands the slowest and most deliberate pace.  I’ve lost my footing and slid down towards the valley.  It’s important to get back up, wipe off the mud (or the tears) and get back on the trail.  The journey up this mountain takes time.  How much time depends on the traveler.  Like any other attempt to scale a peak, it’s a marathon, not a sprint.

Clearly, the second mountain is very different from the first.  The first mountain is done—the hopes and plans we had made based on climbing that mountain are no longer.  I would encourage everyone to leave room for good things to happen on the second climb.  It will be different.  It will be an interesting adventure.  I am not going to compare this mountain to the first.  I believe we do ourselves a disservice when we continually compare where we are to where we were.  I know the view from the top won’t be the same.  We may discover a whole new beauty and experience.  The good news is it’s life, and it’s our honor and privilege to live it. 

Use this Facebook forum to share your climb up the mountain.  Thanks to Herb Knoll and all his work, we are afforded this wonderful tool.  Lean on your fellow travelers as you journey on.  Mountains are best climbed in teams.  I’m thankful for this team and the support it provides us all.

Lace ‘em up.  We’ve got a hill to climb.