Death takes a Life but does not take away Love.

                                                                  

Every three months, I facilitate a bereavement support group for my church via Zoom; anywhere from 8 to 12 people show up.  Some have recently lost a loved one; others are further along in the journey of grief and are trying to gain peace and comfort; one or two want to continue to benefit from the support and share that with others.  I feel blessed to share and learn from this group.

For those new to the grief process, the question that often arises is, “Why was I robbed of my loved one?  Why was my spouse or family member taken away from me?  Why did this happen to me?  I feel that my loss has destroyed my joy and future.  There is nothing uncommon about these questions.  The feelings are normal, and the belief that we have been robbed is shared among the bereaved.  The point I try to emphasize with the group is to try and accept the fact that, yes, death has taken a life.  You can say death has robbed you of your loved one, but it cannot take away love.  Love is beyond time and space.  Love was the bond that united you and your loved one.  It was the force that drove you together, that helped you both during difficult times.  Love carried you through pain and suffering as well as the joys of life.  Now, love can continue to be the force that sustains you and leads you into a new path in life.

Yes, imagining a future without our loved ones is very hard.  In the early days and weeks of grief, life seems unbearable, lonely, and devoid of hope.  Think about this: with the support of strangers who come together in a support group and understand better than anyone else what you are going through, you can learn from others how to move forward in life.  It’s hard to believe that strangers, whom I am sure I would probably never have met, join a support group, share their loss and sorrow, become brothers and sisters united by sadness, and learn how to accept grief as a part but not the sum of our lives.

If only the journey were as easy as I just described it.  Grief is hard work; it requires me to move out of my comfort zone.  I must choose to move in a new direction despite being frightened and uncertain.  What motivates me, I believe, is the four-letter word LOVE.

The same love that we shared with our spouse does not disappear with death.  It is still present in our lives.  Death does not destroy love; it forces us to find new ways to share that love with others.  For some, it means taking the steps to find a new love.  No, not finding a replacement for the one you lost but finding that love that still motivates you with a new person.  Learning how to love differently, as Herb Knoll has said.  Love is meant to be shared, not held back.

For others, it’s transforming love into things your wife would want you to do.  The legacy of love means doing those things that pay homage to the one you loved.  If you can, volunteer your time to a charity, adopt a pet, meet with a group, you want to join, and become involved in something you enjoy doing.

Each of us must find the things we love and pursue them with passion and zeal.  It’s not an easy road, but life has never been an easy path.  Love is the force that never dies; it sustains us and moves us forward.