My late wife Joyce has been gone for five Christmas seasons. Christmas 2018 found us fighting the effects of a round of platinum based chemo. If you’ve had platinum based chemo in your life, you know what I’m talking about. This picture was taken Christmas Day 2018… She wore masks before they were in fashion. After all this time, I can say it’s getting better. I can also say it’s not the same. I don’t think it’s fair for any of us to expect it ever will be the same, however, that doesn’t mean it won’t be good.
I am blessed to be surrounded by family and friends and people who care deeply for me. I am also blessed that I am intentional in remembering her and the things she loved about Christmas. She loved the busyness. She loved the parties. She loved decorating the house with as many as seven Christmas trees… It drove me crazy.
I used to beg her to slow down. Not a chance! You see, she relished the season and all the festivities. I look back on those times now and smile. While I miss her daily, I’m actually not missing the frenetic pace of all the activities.
Over the last couple years, I find myself being comfortable engaging and doing more than I would have in the past. I believe it’s important that we stay connected during the Holidays. The first couple years, I shut everything out and created a sense of self imposed loneliness. Combine that with Covid and all the restrictions and it made for a long and sad holiday season. Be sure to always protect yourself and your privacy, however, don’t say no to everything. There’s many reasons for that.
No matter where you are in your journey, find a way to be involved with something. Go to church on Christmas Eve and say a prayer for your departed love. Whatever religion you are this Holiday, participate in what it offers. If nothing else, go see a good movie or find a way to spend time with friends or family.
The Holidays are times for remembering. If you feel Joy, it’s OK. As a matter fact, it’s great! Grief and joy do and can coexist. It’s healthy. The Holidays are also a time to be together and savoring the love and relationships we have. Don’t let the Holidays pass you by without experiencing this. To each of you, I wish you the happiest of holiday seasons, and a healthy and healing 2024.
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