Do We Ever Live Again? Or Do We Just Exist?


by Cynthia Mascarenhas

Life drags on. In one sense, it is mundane. In another, it is so full of unpredictability. Unexpected emotional peaks and troughs. Unexpected challenges to our emotional, psychological, and physical health. The inability to envision a future, dream, plan, and have a sense of excitement. An overwhelming sense of despair characterizes each day​. It’s like watching a black and white movie – there are sounds, there is action, and there may even be laughter; however, it lacks the vibrance and luster of a color movie. If all I had seen were black and white movies, it would not matter. My life was a color movie, with emotion, laughter, sadness, joy, anger, frustration, and love.  So, why is it black and white now?  When you take love out of it, the color scheme eschews it. Like a printer cartridge that runs out of a vibrant color. Nothing prints the same anymore. 

It is a real struggle to find joy again. You try to find happiness in the little things in life. Some days you succeed. On other days you despair. On those dark days, you just wait and pray. Because you know the sun will shine again. Each time you get thrown into the abyss, you remember that you were able to climb out. You were able to smile and laugh again. You give in to sadness but then realize you must fight again. So, you reach deep within yourself. You hope and pray you are not running on empty, but you know you’ve been running on reserve for a while. You heed the warning’ you are running low. 

It’s time to recharge. It is time to replenish. It is an exhausting process. Over and over again. I do it because I must – I have two beautiful reasons never to give up: my daughters! That’s all I need! 

Find your reason. Everyday. Know your worth. There will be days when all you have is a sliver of hope. Cling to it. Never give up!  Your life still has a purpose, even when you cannot define that purpose. I cling to that promise.

Jeremiah 28:11

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

Cynthia Mascarenhas is the Founder of Walk with a Widow, a ministry to widows worldwide; You can also find us on the web. 

Walk with a Widow Group is a support group on Facebook serving over 600 widows from over 15 countries around the world.

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