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QUICK HITTERS #9
Produced by Fred Colby Quick Hitters are brief responses to Questions posed by author Fred Colby to his fellow WSN contributors. They offer a variety of perspectives on some of the most challenging questions facing new widowers. Enjoy. Quick Hitter Question #9: How should I tell my kids about it when I start dating again? Brian…
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Should I Start Dating?
On her last conscious day, my wife advised me not to get involved with another woman until she had been gone a year. A little more than a year after my wife died, I began dating a woman whom I thought I might marry. I had known her for years, she was attractive, and we…
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Custodian of Memories of Your Wife
You, a widowed man, probably are your wife’s main custodian of memories. Custodian here means “caretaker” and “preserver,” not “janitor.” It’s very likely you knew your wife better than anyone else did. The fact that you lived with her, shared her life, and knew her joys and sorrows makes you a privileged caretaker. Your children…
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What I’ve Learned About Widowed Parenting
‘You are not alone and other essential messages for newly widowed parents.” When my husband died of brain cancer at the age of 44, leaving me a widowed parent of our 9- and 11-year-olds, I did what seemed logical to me: I went looking for the book that would tell me what to do. How…
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Important Things to Know about Grieving Children
Children want to share their experiences, though need permission to do so. Children, adolescents, and teens all want to share their feelings, though they often believe adults won’t understand. Don’t say “I know how you feel,” or tell a child how to feel. It is possible to relate to a child’s feelings and situation, but…
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Father’s Day Message for Children of Widowers
If your dad is a recent widower, there are ways you can help him on Father’s Day while also strengthening your family relationships. To ignore Father’s Day can be a missed opportunity and even a mistake that injects another layer of separation between the father and children. Based on my own experience, I can tell…
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Iam Tongi, Monsters, and Fatherhood
Why am I feeling so emotional? I am watching a video of Iam Tongi’s duet with James Blunt from American Idol, singing Blunt’s song “Monsters.” Watching it live brought me to tears along with everyone else . . . and it is bringing me to tears again. Three months ago, I never knew of English…
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SHOULD A WIDOW(ER) PAY FOR THEIR CHILD’S WEDDING?
WITH THE AVERAGE COST OF A WEDDING HOVERING AT $60,000, HOW MUCH AM I EXPECTED TO CONTRIBUTE? My two boys found love and are getting married. As a widower, I’m both happy and sad and wondering about the price tag. I’m going to be Father of the Groom at… not one, but two… weddings. My…
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ACCEPTING LIFE AS A WIDOWER: THE 30 MONTH MARK
I lost my wife Mary in January 2020. At the time I didn’t know how I’d move forward. My journey continues, on a road paved by acceptance. January 2020 was when my beloved wife, friend, soulmate, and rock of 33 years, Mary, passed away after a brave fight against cancer. PERSONAL COMMUNITY After Mary’s death,…
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WHEN KIDS GRIEVE
Helping a child cope with a loss due to death can be fundamental in helping them deal with loss of any kind the rest of their life. However, I found it to be a new experience and a hard one. The day my first wife, Ruth, died I had 4 children at home ranging from…
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