My Breakout Year

Several months ago, I shared that 2023 would be my “breakout year.”  At the time, I didn’t know what that meant, except I intended to focus on myself and the beginning of my new life following the loss of my beloved Jan, my wife and soul mate, for 51 years.  I had spent the second half of 2021 mourning her loss.  Mourning is different from grieving.  In 2022 I began my ministry as a hospice volunteer focusing on bereavement support, especially for men who are caregivers and widowers.

I devoted 2022 to getting that ministry launched.  By the end of the year, it was running on autopilot.  I would add to that work in 2023 by co-facilitating grief support groups.

One of the things I planned to do in 2023 was begin to travel again.  At first, this did not appeal to me as I would be traveling alone.  By “alone,” I meant without my wife by my side.  We had traveled extensively in our 51 years together.

Knowing that traveling alone would not appeal to me, I joined a local “Meet-Up” group called “St Louis Travelers.” This group travels to various locations throughout the world each year.  Each trip lasts for about two weeks.  Members sign up for whatever journey appeals to them.  The one that most appealed to me this year was a river cruise on the Avalon Cruise Line up the Danube River from Budapest, Hungary, to Nuremberg, Germany, with numerous stops along the way, including Vienna, Austria, and other exciting stops in Austria and Germany.  At the end of the cruise, we traveled by coach to Prague in the Czech Republic before returning to St Louis.

My wife and I had visited every stop on that cruise in years past, both when we lived in Nuremberg when I was a young officer in the Army and on subsequent trips with an ad hoc travel group comprised of some of her teacher colleagues and their spouses.  We left Germany 47 years ago and always longed to return.  This river cruise up the Danube was one we had planned to make together.  When I first signed up for the trip, I was apprehensive as I knew the trip would be bittersweet without her.  My older son convinced me to go.  He was right to do so.

Twenty-five of us made that journey.  Four were men, and the rest were women.  Our tour organizer, a widow, jokingly told me that I would be very popular on that trip.  I was not amused.  It turned out to be true, though.  Most were divorced; a few were widows.  I was not at a loss for a conversation on this trip.  That turned out to be very good for me.  We talk a lot in our WSN group about meeting women.  Being placed in the middle of a group of 21 of them, from my city, on a lovely river cruise ship, for ten days was cathartic.  I made a lot of new friends on that trip.  Moreover, I had a great time!  I would make a similar trip again.

The culmination of my journey was the time we spent in Nuremberg, Germany—our last stop.  I had looked forward with great anticipation to strolling the streets of that marvelous medieval city once again.  Our four years there were the happiest days of my long marriage to Jan.; we longed to return.  I had her with me in spirit while I was there.  In essence, I made that trip for the two of us.

Many of you who are reading this know in your heart that you are not anywhere near ready for a trip like this.  I suggest that someday your situation will change.  Not giving in to my apprehension about traveling on such a wonderful trip as a widower was the right move for me.  It has been the highlight of my breakout year.  Other things are happening in my world that are building on the positive experiences I had hoped for when I committed to having a “breakout year” in the first place.  I will share these changes in my life in subsequent postings, for they all add to my emerging happiness and overall mental and emotional health.  And I know that Jan is happy for me in spirit.  As I said, she made that journey with me.

Michael Burroughs is the author of Moving Mountains: Facing Strokes with Faith and Hope.  He lives in St Louis, Missouri.

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