How often have you said or thought, “I can’t do that! I am not good at it and never will be.”
For me, it was math. God, how I hated math. I was a classic straight “D” student through elementary, middle, and high school. Then, something happened. During my third try at college, I got excited about learning. One consequence of this was that I started believing in myself in a way that inspired me to tackle math, languages, and science… all of which had been weak spots for me in the past. Not only did I get better in these courses, I got straight “A’s” in all of them and graduated Cum Laude from a great four-year college.
How does this apply to your situation as a widower?
After your wife passes, you may be faced with doing many things that you think you cannot do. This could range from balancing the checkbook to cooking a real meal to cleaning the house or even raising your kids. There are many areas that we may now feel unprepared for and unable to do.
However, I and many others can tell you that YOU CAN DO THIS! Will it be hard? Yes! Will it require a lot of learning, patience, and persistence? Yes! Will you fail at times and have to start all over again? Yes!
Looking back on your own history, you probably remember times when you met and overcame difficult challenges despite your past failures in that area. Now is the time to build upon that past success by believing that you can meet these new challenges and learn new skills necessary for you to reengage with life again. Your wife is no longer by your side to encourage and support you, so you will have to learn to do it by yourself.
We really don’t have any choice! Well, actually, you do. You could just give up and mope around your house for the rest of your life… by yourself. Some of us choose to do just that. Is that what you want? Is that what your wife would have wanted for you? Of course not! So go ahead and deal with your grieving (which is healthy to a point) each day, and then commit to some task, job, or project that needs attention. Focus on it, take incremental steps, celebrate the small achievements, and then gradually, you will find a new purpose in life.
When your project involves something that is very difficult for you, just take a moment to realize that you can do this… and do it well. Commit to seeing it through no matter how difficult it may be. Each time you finish one of these projects, your self-confidence and healing will grow as you feel better about yourself and your purpose for still being here.
For me, that project was writing my book, Widower to Widower. I had never written anything so deep and personal before. I had to learn to bare my soul by talking about the most painful days of my life. I had to be humble enough to ask for and then listen to criticism as my book went through over 30 rounds of edits. Finally, I had to put my book before the public and accept both the accolades and criticisms. In hindsight, it was something I had to do, no matter how daunting the task appeared.
I know many other widowers who have overcome seemingly impossible challenges. I firmly believe that each of you can do so as well. The more daunting the challenge, the more personal the satisfaction you will get as you overcome it.
© Copyright 2023 Fred Colby
All rights reserved
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Fred Colby is the author of:
Widower to Widower which is available through all major booksellers and libraries.
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Website:Fred Colby, Author
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