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Learning From Each Other
All widowers… you, me, and the guy down the street… all have something in common. We are going, or have gone, through hell on earth. We may have different experiences on this journey, but we also have many commonalities, especially if we were fortunate enough to have a good and loving marriage. We can support…
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Softening Triggers
We talk about them all the time, those things that ambush us when we think we’re doing OK. For me, music causes the most pain, and it hits you in the craziest places—not just the radio. If I hear a song on the radio that causes me pain, I immediately change the station—avoidance at all…
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Going it Alone
My dear brothers, of the many things I was not prepared for when becoming a widower, finding a satisfying relationship with another woman has proved to be the most daunting. For those of you that have found either a meaningful relationship or true love again, I salute you. Me, not so fortunate so far. For…
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Past, Present, and Future
First, let me preface this and say I probably have no original thoughts about being a widower. I only have my experiences and what I have learned by reading books, watching videos, and speaking to people on the Widower’s Support Network. I am positive that many of us have felt these very same feelings.…
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Dreams of your Wife
I had a beautiful, vivid dream about my wife recently. In the dream, she had been in bed with me but had gotten up. I waited for her to return, but she didn’t come back. I wondered for a few minutes why she hadn’t returned, but then I awakened enough to realize that she had…
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Giving up the darkness in my life
A few days ago, I had a conversation with my grief counselor, who also happens to be an Episcopal priest. Father Joe, as he is affectionately known, has an abundance of wisdom combined with immeasurable compassion and a keen sense of understanding the human spirit. I told him I knew this was his “busy season”…
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What Have I Learned in 18 Months
I have never paid more attention to milestones than I have since losing my wife. I’m on the cusp of 18 months without her, and it hit me recently that I am in a much different place than I was 18 months ago. I recently had this discussion with my grief counselor. I have been…
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The Past
Recently I had a number of conversations with family and friends about the past. The collective consensus from our group discussions was as follows: the past gives meaning to our lives; it’s what defines us. It started when each of us was born x number of years ago. It defined our family, the schools we…
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Life is like riding a bicycle; to keep your balance; you must keep moving” – Albert Einstein
Over 93 years ago, Albert Einstein wrote a letter to his son to encourage him never to give up. I don’t know what the circumstances of the letter involved, but I know Einstein, the physicist used an image that his son could easily relate to a bicycle. Momentum, along with a rider’s balance, helps keep…
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Bonds That Are Never Broken
During a recent conversation with a widowed friend, I reflected on some of the unexpected roles we may inherit upon becoming widowers. One of which I hold especially dear is being the curator of my wife Robyn’s and my love. Often, we are accused of deifying our loved ones after their death. In many cases,…
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