QUICK HITTERS # 10

Quick Hitters are brief responses to Questions author Fred Colby posed to his fellow WSN contributors. They offer a variety of perspectives on some of the most challenging questions facing new widowers. Enjoy.

Quick Hitter Question #10: I am thinking about traveling again, but by myself now. This is kind of scary. What tips can you give me?

Jim Winner:

One thing I’ve learned is people aren’t looking at you because you’re alone. When I first started traveling alone, I thought people everywhere were wondering what was wrong with me… Why was I out by myself… The truth is nobody is looking.  

And more truthfully, we are not by ourselves; we are part of the world.

Try traveling with a tour group. Some groups specialize in solo travelers. Try traveling with a traveling club from the city you live in.  I find it helpful if I go on a tour in cities that I visit … It’s easier to see things, and you feel like you are part of a larger group.

As far as meals are concerned, I like to sit out at a table and watch people. It’s a fascinating way to learn about local culture. Depending on where you’re traveling, you may even enjoy sitting at a bar while you eat. It’s a great way to initiate a conversation with somebody if you choose to… I’m not talking about picking someone up… just a conversation. We are all living a season of life that none of us were prepared for. Why don’t we look for some of the positive ambiguity that comes with it?

Christine Baumgartner:

I’ve traveled a lot as a single person by myself and have always had a great time. My best resource initially is a great travel agent. They know all the ‘safety’ information. Countries that are safe to travel to and ways to be safe when you’re there. They can also help arrange for a trusted someone to pick you up from the airport.

The best resource at my destination is the hotel’s concierge or front desk people. I tell them I’ve traveled alone and about the things I enjoy doing. They have always taken a personal interest in my safety and enjoyment. Each day, they’d tell me fun things to do, how to get there, when to go, and when and how to return. On one of my trips, they suggested I go to this very authentic restaurant at a specific time to enjoy the music and the sunset. They said to call them when I was ready to return to the hotel because it would be after dark. They sent a horse-drawn carriage to pick me up.

Larry Ahrens

This question is somewhat amplified for me because my late wife Susan was a travel agent. As a result, we were fortunate enough to travel the world together. 

Traveling alone after she passed was a surreal experience for me. I was accustomed to seeing her in the airline seat next to me. When I took my first few trips without her, it felt odd and unusual. It’s still something I think about when traveling.

If you’re ready to travel again, my best advice is this – do it!

My late wife always said, “It’s fun to have a trip booked on your calendar,” and she was right. As awkward as it may seem, try booking that trip and go. I promise you it will feel strange and maybe even sad, but don’t let that deter you. Go live your life and have some travel adventures.

Michael Burroughs

Join a tour group headed to places you want to visit. Many people on these tours are single—most are women, some men. Find a travel agent to assist you. Tell the agent you’re a widower seeking advice.

Nyle Kardatzke

If traveling has been part of your life, either for business or pleasure, it may be best to continue. Abruptly stopping traveling may be depressing to you and alarming to your friends and family.

Traveling to see my adult daughters and their families after my wife’s death was natural and healthy for all of us. They both lived far enough away to require stays of at least two or three days on any visit. Being with them in their homes in other cities assured me that they were doing well and showed them that I could reach them.

Careful planning has made my travel comfortable. I developed the practice of printing a packing list for each trip and modifying it for each trip. This prevented mistakes I might have made otherwise.

I have enjoyed traveling alone because I take reading material on flights, and I can amuse myself.