If I am not helping my neighbor, then why am I here?

I saw this sign on the wall of my doctor’s office as I waited for him to enter the examination room. I asked him about it, and he told me his 8-year-old granddaughter gave it to him a few years ago. Of course, she loves her grandpa and wants others to know what a wonderful physician and person he is. She also, I think, wants to spread an important message that all of us need to be empathetic and understanding to each other. It’s the message of hope we need to share with each other during trying times.

I returned home the same day and encountered my young neighbors, who met me at my mailbox. As usual, I offered small talk but noticed they appeared upset. I asked if everything was ok, and they told me their 14-year-old dog had died. I offered my condolences and spoke with them about their dog, Muffy. I asked them in for coffee and they joined me in my kitchen. They began the conversation by saying they felt strange being so upset about their dog.  They knew I lost my wife almost four years ago and said it’s embarrassing that we feel this way. You lost your wife and soul mate. We lost our dog. No comparison, they said.

I quickly stopped them. I told them there is no hierarchy in grief. Your loss, I said, feels so raw and hurts just as any loss of a family member or friend or vital part of your life would feel. We don’t say whose loss is worse. Each of us reacts to our loss with the pain and sadness we feel as a family member or friend who shared in our daily rituals, and all the things we did is no longer with us. It’s painful. It causes us to cry; it cuts deeply and is all part of the grief process. Grief does not discriminate; it rips us apart when we lose someone or something we love.  We have no control over it, but we learn how to live with it with time.

I asked them to tell me about Muffy. They shared so many memories, and they smiled with tears, telling story after story of why this wonderful pet was a key part of their lives. I think they realized he gave them more than they will ever know. It’s the unconditional love, support, and comfort that animals have.