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LOVE HURTS
Most of us over 50 remember the popular song, Love Hurts, written by Boudleaux Bryant and sung by Roy Orbison, Nazareth, Everly Brothers, and many others. The first lyrics, though written for the pain of young love, apply equally to the pain we feel when our wives pass: Love hurtsLove scarsLove wounds and marksAny…
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What I’ve Learned About Widowed Parenting
‘You are not alone and other essential messages for newly widowed parents.” When my husband died of brain cancer at the age of 44, leaving me a widowed parent of our 9- and 11-year-olds, I did what seemed logical to me: I went looking for the book that would tell me what to do. How…
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You must open yourself up again if you ever want to heal.
One of my favorite tv shows is NCIS. I love the characters, the plot lines, and the exciting stories they investigate. Obviously, it’s a show that deals with death in every episode, but it’s also a show in which the main characters learn to deal with personal tragedy and how to deal with grief. In…
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Transitions
When a widower finds a new love interest and the opportunity for her to visit the home arises, the question of what to do about pictures of his late wife and other reflections of her in the home occurs, too. Jasmine had a refined artistic touch that flowed from her Japanese cultural heritage. Her fingerprints…
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Important Things to Know about Grieving Children
Children want to share their experiences, though need permission to do so. Children, adolescents, and teens all want to share their feelings, though they often believe adults won’t understand. Don’t say “I know how you feel,” or tell a child how to feel. It is possible to relate to a child’s feelings and situation, but…
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Forgiveness – what role does it play in my grief journey?
Guilt and anger are recognized characteristics of the grief journey – Guilt over what could have been done or should have been done; guilt over things left unsaid or things that were better left unsaid; guilt over those fleeting moments where a smile might form around the corners of your mouth; guilt for some unknown…
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What’s your mountain?
I live in Indiana. It’s flat. Think pancake flat. But I’m climbing a mountain. So are you. As surviving spouses, we all climb the “second mountain” in life. I just finished an interesting book titled The Second Mountain. While the book isn’t written from a grief perspective, it speaks to many of our challenges. As…
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Are You Talking to Others?
After losing our wives, many of us find ourselves unable to communicate effectively with others. Even those of us who come from careers in communication may find ourselves suddenly at a loss for words. Numbness, physical and mental pain, a sense of surrealness, and disrupted attention spans interfere with our ability to comprehend, organize thoughts,…
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Selflessness
One of our brothers, Randy Ritua, recently posted a story initially posted by Teresa Presgraves Jones about her father suddenly losing his wife of 55 years. Like all of us, he was shattered. Shortly after her funeral, late one night, he insisted his grown kids take him to the cemetery immediately. Reluctantly they agreed. It…
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Accepting Old Age
My wife died in October 2010. I was nearly 70 years old, and her passing plunged me into grief and confusion. We had been married almost 40 years, and our marriage had been a good one. In the first year after her passing, I longed for female companionship, but my wife had wisely warned me…