Accepting Old Age

My wife died in October 2010. I was nearly 70 years old, and her passing plunged me into grief and confusion. We had been married almost 40 years, and our marriage had been a good one.

In the first year after her passing, I longed for female companionship, but my wife had wisely warned me not to get involved with another woman until she had been gone a year. She knew how vulnerable and emotionally unstable I would be.

The first year passed, and I began to date a woman whom I thought might become my second wife. We had good times together for a year, but by the end of the year, we both realized we were still married emotionally to our departed spouses. The woman and I are still friends, but romance has left our friendship.

That romance ended, but I am still attracted to women. I can admire the beauty and energy of women much younger than me, and I can see the appeal of their feminine ways of talking and walking. But the women like to look at are almost always too young for me. Even a woman in her sixties is so much younger that she probably couldn’t really understand or care about the world I have lived in all these years.

My sex drive isn’t what it was even five years ago. If I were to remarry, it seems we might have a loving, affectionate relationship, but possibly little if any sexual intimacy. My doctor and my urologist have told me that my years of erotic life might not return..

Other good things now fill more of my time than when I was younger. Writing or texting with old male and female friends is more valuable than when I was younger. I value my old friends, and I feel the loss when one of them passes away. but I know that these lives of ours are not complete until we have left them and entered the new life that awaits us beyond death.

My wife told me on her deathbed that she would be looking for me. I’m confident that she will be expecting me, and I’m sure I’ll know her instantly when we meet. The passion of our early married years may return, or probably something better. My wife and I will hold hands and go to meet God.

In my old age, the expectation of life beyond death is comforting and encouraging. I’m thankful to be this old and so near my own passing.