What Can Help Me to Heal?

We have heard it said by many experts there is no correct path on how to deal with grief. Every person’s journey is different, and the roads we travel will be filled with twists and turns. As our founder Herb Knoll has stated many times sitting on the couch will never help us to heal. There are, however, options we can explore that I think can help us find a path that will allow us to move forward and live a life with joy and fulfillment.

I had the opportunity to participate in the survey that Dr.  Mary Frances O’Conner, the author of The Grieving Brain, offered to the members of our special group of Widowers. I emphasize that I am not a social scientist, nor do I know what the outcome of the survey will be. I do believe it is an important tool that can aid in the grieving process.  What struck me about the survey is that two areas of interest seem to be focal points for her research: Faith and Exercise.

It has been almost four years since I lost my wife, and I have become involved again in my faith experience. I was not active in my Episcopal church for a long time and did not pray often. On occasion, I would spend a little time in prayer but never found it helpful. Through a church bereavement support group, I joined and now co-facilitate the group and have regained my faith. I found purpose and meaning in the people with whom I did not know but shared a common bond: the loss of a loved one. I found support and rejoined the church through Zoom meetings and discovered that I was not alone in my grief. I had the wisdom of many people, and I had the support of brothers and sisters who led me down a path that was difficult but not unnavigable.

I decided several months after my wife died that I would adopt a rescue dog. During the pandemic, I met with his foster mom in a park, and she introduced me to my Petey. A large American Staffordshire Terrier with whom I bonded immediately. I was told that he was adopted by a family, and then one day they decided they did not want him anymore, so they left him on the side of a highway. Fortunately, a Good Samaritan found him, and he was brought to Upstate New York from down south, and the two of us met.

Petey is not just my buddy; he keeps me moving and exercising every day. He obviously must go outside, so I walk him several times daily. I love watching him interact with people and other dogs and his endless curiosity about everything he sees. He loves to play and makes me laugh. The game of tug of war is often played with him, and he always beats me. As an overweight 66-year-old man, I struggle to get off the ground at times, but he offers help when he sees I need a boost. Exercise is beneficial as I walk often and feel better after a good, vigorous walk.

I know that these two topics have given me help and hope. I feel that my life has changed and that I am moving forward in the right direction. I urge all of you, no matter where you are on the journey, to find those things that can help you heal. It will not only help you, but it gives hope to all of us that the journey gets easier.