Moving forward, but remember to glance back.

In another week, we will start another year. 2024 is just around the corner. The holidays will be over, and it’s time to focus on the opportunities of a new year. My mantra when I entered the world of grief has always been to keep moving forward and to know I can’t stop the birds of sorrow from flying over my head, but I can prevent them from nesting in my hair. I learned over three and ½ years ago I would make some progress, but I did not realize how far I could go.

It’s good to look back at the start of a new year and see how you have progressed. I continue to feel my late wife’s presence all around me. I am learning to adapt my mind to a new way of thinking. I am doing things that I am sure my wife would want me to do. I visit friends regularly; I spend time with my children and grandchildren and travel to see them regularly. I participate in two support groups and learn from the wisdom of many people I would never have met, yet their presence in my life allows me to gain insights from their wisdom and support.

I am unsure what direction the next year will lead me, but I know I can depend on several people to keep me moving along the right path. It takes courage to move forward. It is something that I was initially uncertain about doing. I remember in the early days of my grief, and I heard it said by many in the first weeks of grief, “I don’t want to do much of anything.” I don’t want to work, travel, get together with others, or be a part of a group where I don’t know anybody. It takes a willingness and courage to take those initial steps and move forward.

What I found most difficult was learning to accept that “Life will never be the same.” My friend Fred Colby always started his support group with that simple sentence. It was not meant to cause pain or be hurtful but to realize that our world is different. It is a realization that we are moving in a new direction. It means you must find a new way of doing things. In my case, I thought often of what my wife would say to me: “Don’t give up, Tom, because it seems too hard. Keep moving, and you will get to where you need to be”. It’s learning that my spouse is still with me, not in the way I want but in a new and different way. I can hear, as I am sure each of you can hear your spouse’s voice, and if you take the time and listen, you will hear those words of wisdom.

The new year is an opportunity to pause and give thanks for the past year. Even though it has been difficult, the support from so many enables me to move forward each day. I look forward to the opportunity life will present to me in 2024. I am open to what may be exciting and new. I also know that my grief is still a part of me, never the whole, but a part of who I am. It enriches me and helps me deal with a variety of challenges. I am not alone, as I am supported by so many.

I wish each of you a blessed and joy-filled New Year.