UNDERSTANDING CAN BRING PEACE

Greg arrived at our house ready to do the handyman job we had contracted. I noticed he was solemn and short with his replies. As the morning progressed, I tried to engage him in some sort of conversation, but it was like business only.  I wasn’t sure if I was seeing a personality characteristic or if he was having a bad day. Slowly, he began to respond.

When the project was coming to a close, I asked his advice about installing a handrail in another part of our house. On our way to the room, he said, “I have many of those in my house.”  He then stopped and bluntly announced, “My wife died two weeks ago.”

The handrail was suddenly not so important, and I stopped in my tracks to listen. So he would know that I could understand his grief, I let him know that I too experienced that grief having lost two wives to cancer. He then proceeded to tell me in detail how she had died. As with many men, reviewing the events and facts surrounding her death was a big relief for him. His countenance soon reflected a peace he did not exhibit when he first arrived at our house. The more we talked about his wife, the more he relaxed. 

She had become wheelchair bound in recent years and he willingly became her caregiver. I continued to listen as he explained his willingness. Many years ago, he was very sick for about a year, and she cared for him faithfully.  Upon his recovery he determined that he would care for her for life, no matter what may come. And he did.

After he finished his story and there was a pause, I mentioned some of my experiences seeking to identify with his grief. You may have had some of them too – like some of the stupid things people said to me. He expressed relief that his grieving time was not unusual. Which I thought was particularly unusual because it had only been two weeks. We spoke of his understanding of the grieving process and the things he was going through. Our conversation seemed to provide a peace that he was not going crazy and that it was okay.

In his article 17 Things You Shouldn’t Do Immediately After Losing a Spouse, Bob Jamisonlays out many helpful suggestions for understanding the process of grieving. As Greg’s story demonstrates, each person grieves differently for many reasons. However, a generalized understanding of what could be in the grieving process can be a huge boost forward in the healing process both for those you might encounter and for yourself.

Understanding the grieving process can bring a measure of peace.  You can have access to information by going to my website at; www.griefreliefministries.com