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You Can’t Please Everyone
We widowers often hear that soon after the death of our wives, we will lose many friends and possibly some family ties. This frequently occurs despite our best efforts to maintain these previously reliable and important relationships. This can result in: If we are brave enough, we may try to reach out to those who…
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The Fifth Christmas
My late wife Joyce has been gone for five Christmas seasons. Christmas 2018 found us fighting the effects of a round of platinum based chemo. If you’ve had platinum based chemo in your life, you know what I’m talking about. This picture was taken Christmas Day 2018… She wore masks before they were in fashion.…
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Moving forward, but remember to glance back.
In another week, we will start another year. 2024 is just around the corner. The holidays will be over, and it’s time to focus on the opportunities of a new year. My mantra when I entered the world of grief has always been to keep moving forward and to know I can’t stop the birds…
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IN HER NAME
When our wives pass, we often ask, “How can we remember, honor, and love them going forward?” That is a huge question for many of us. The answer often plays a significant role in processing and healing our grief. If all we do is hide in our homes and scream, cry, and suffer alone while…
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Unmasked Masculinity: Embracing Grief as Strength
In the unforgiving landscape of grief, the notion of masculinity often takes a beating. Society has long dictated that to be a man means suppressing emotions, concealing pain, and presenting an unyielding facade. But true masculinity, in my opinion, is found in the raw, unfiltered expression of emotions, in the display of wounds, and in…
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We Are Worthy!!
Whether quoting from Wayne’s World or the Bible, the phrase “I am not worthy” may describe how we feel at times after our wives pass away. A ritual of self-condemnation and feelings of inadequacy often overwhelm us, especially when we are alone. It is so easy to fall into a pattern of blaming ourselves or…
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Thankfulness
As I write my column, I am preparing to leave my home in Upstate New York and travel to South Carolina to join my family for our annual Thanksgiving Day tradition: lots of good food, watching football all day and evening, and having a ton of fun. The one person missing is my late wife,…
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Traveling Alone
Question #10: I am thinking about traveling again, but by myself now. This is kind of scary. What tips can you give me? If traveling has been part of your life, either for business or pleasure, it may be best to continue. If you abruptly stop traveling, it may be depressing to you and alarming…
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Why Are Some Widowers So Angry?
Shortly after my wife’s death, I went to the mountains by myself for a week and screamed as loud and often as I wanted to. But now, seven years later, I no longer feel the anger I felt then. I now forget how easy it was to cut myself off from everyone and to let…
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The Decision to Be Happy
An Excerpt from “When the Rocks Sing” Marty was, in the most profound way, the light and love of my life for the 19 years we were together and beyond. She had the ability to accept her situation at face value, whatever that happened to be, and to make well-reasoned decisions as to how she…
Widowers Support Network 