By Herb Knoll
Author: The Widower’s Journey
Dating and finding Mrs. Right is not my expertise but I have a few thoughts on the topic.
1. What are you looking for? A wife? Someone to keep your life organized and your house clean. A lover? A spouse? Or just a replacement?
Given what you truly are looking for, is there sufficient reason for any woman to say, “That’s for me!” If not, you have some work to do.
2. Why are you comparing your deceased bride with other women? Is that really fair? After all, you had a lifetime to get to know your wife. And I’m sure not every moment was perfect. Anyone new is competing with a legend. Do you want women to compare you to their late husband’? As one widower said in my book, The Widower’s Journey, “The way my girlfriend describes her deceased husband, he was perfect, and I’m not.”
2. Are you a good catch? Fit? Healthy? Financially secure? What makes you think so? Are you fun to be with? WSN Relationship Coach Christine Baumgartner writes terrific columns every other Thursday. Have you taken her advice to heart?
Like most men, women who aren’t attracted to you aren’t going to try very hard to win your heart. So… look in a mirror. Take inventory. What Babbage are you asking a woman to buy into? Is there a need for a few corrective measures?
If you need assistance packaging up what you have to offer, Christine is a great resource. Write her care of the contact points provided in her bi-weekly column titled, The Perfect Catch.
My new bride is very different from my deceased wife… yet I learned to love them both?
Where are you looking for love?
Bars? I hope not? Blind dates? Perhaps. I met my wife on eHarmony. My new wife is a PhD computer engineer. She personally knows the man who designed eHarmony. When she decided that she wanted to meet men, she called her friend and inquired if the science built into eHarmony was valid. He replied it was. Not all online dating services can say that about their services. As a client my self, I will tell you I had several very promising dates before I met my current wife. The key is, you need to be brutally honest when completing their questionnaire.
Every woman is different. To hold them is different. To kiss is different. Each will offer you pluses and minuses as you will them. And that difference can be exciting.
A few years ago, I wrote a song that has since been recorded by three NASHVILLE singer songwriters. It’s titled, “Love You Different.” It is a story about a widower singing to widow. Among the lyrics he sings,
“🎼 I won’t ask you to forget him, I wouldn’t even try. I know how you feel because I lost my Angel too. But I will love you different.”
Your next love may be very different from what you had in your marriage. And I think that is good.
Cherish the memories you have, but don’t miss out on the next opportunity your journey will present.
If you would like a free copy of my song, “Love You Different,”write me at email@example.com.
Dionne Warwick once sang, “you’ll loose tomorrow reaching back for yesterday”