Author: Fred Colby

  • Life After Death?

    Life After Death?

    After our wife passes, many of us will ask the question we desperately want an answer to: “Does she still exist? Is she still aware of me? Can she hear me or see me? Is there any way for me to communicate with her?” No matter our religious beliefs, some struggle to make sense of […]

  • Widower Wearing Wedding Ring Sparks Huge Discussion

    Widower Wearing Wedding Ring Sparks Huge Discussion

    Recently I was asked to contribute to a discussion on this topic that attracted over 4,500 online comments. The topic was launched by a woman who confronted a widower about his wearing a wedding band eight months after his wife passed. The following article was featured on Bored Panda, an international online publication. Woman Confused […]

  • NEW YEAR – NEW RELATIONSHIPS?

    NEW YEAR – NEW RELATIONSHIPS?

    While being prepped for an emergency hernia operation four months after my wife’s death, I instructed the doctors three times that I wanted a “Do Not Resuscitate” order in place. I saw this as an opportunity to rejoin my wonderful wife of 45 years. Many hours later ­― I woke up! The immediate question that […]

  • Can You Heal While Living in the Past?

    Can You Heal While Living in the Past?

    If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present. Lao Tzu (6th-century BC Chinese philosopher) When we first enter deep grieving after losing our wives, we often do everything we can think of to […]

  • Be a Better Friend – to Yourself

    We have to learn to be our own best friend because we fall too easily into the trap of being our own worst enemies. – Roderick Thorp So often during our deep grieving we fall into the trap of condemning ourselves, dwelling on our regrets, and/or doubting ourselves. Instead of celebrating the great marriage we […]

  • Surviving the Holiday Abyss

    Everyone will start to tell you within a week of your wife’s passing that you must steel yourself against the trauma of upcoming special days and holidays. We each are likely to have very different experiences during these special days. Much of your reaction will depend upon how important and memorable each of those days […]

  • WHERE CAN I GET HELP?

    If you are a widower looking for help, ideas, or support, this blog is for you! At this time of year many of us have a difficult time getting through all the poignant reminders of our spouse. This is NOT the time to be the silent loner. It is the time to reach out to […]

  • WHAT TO SAY, NOT SAY, AND I SAY …. TO A NEW WIDOWER

    I recently was asked during a radio interview to summarize my advice to the friends and family of a widower on what to say or not say to them. The following are some highlights of our conversation. WHAT TO SAY TO A NEW WIDOWER I often recommend you start off by asking the widower to […]

  • Widowers: Dating Again!

    Starting to date again at age 65 after being married for many years is intimidating for both widows and widowers. The reality can be very different than the cliché’s seen at the movies.  For me, dating was a necessary step in my journey to redefine myself and regain my self-confidence. Once I got past the […]

  • Financial Landmines

    My father died when he was 33 years of age, so I realized the importance of getting my finances in order while still young. I bought life insurance, started an IRA investment account, wrote a will, and made sure that my wife was the primary beneficiary. During one period (2008 – 2012), I was sure […]