Quick Hitters are brief responses to Questions posed by author Fred Colby to his fellow WSN contributors. They offer a variety of perspectives on some of the most challenging questions facing new widowers. Enjoy.
Quick Hitter Question #12: How can I overcome the terrible loneliness that I am feeling?
Abel Keogh:
You have the power to cure loneliness. Be proactive. Start a new hobby where you can interact with people. Go to church. Join a gym, civic group, or other organization where you can interact with people regularly. Find ways to serve others. There are lots of organizations that need volunteers.
Yes, some or all of these may put you out of your comfort zone, but you have the power to act and control your destiny. Feeling lonely? Then do something about it.
Cynthia Mascarenhas:
Just like grief, loneliness goes everywhere with you, even to crowded places full of familiar faces. I knew my heart could not come to terms with my loss but, maybe my head can allow me a distraction. So engaging in creative activities like reading, writing, learning a language, and learning a musical instrument combined with outdoor solo activities like running or walking, all of these release endorphins (happy hormones).
Jim Winner:
All loneliness is difficult. We all handle it differently. In my case, my loneliness was worse as I would wait for the phone to ring. during the first several months alone, I would turn down many invitations to go out for lunch, drinks, coffee, or dinner with friends. Eventually, they quit calling. I don’t blame them. I decided it wasn’t up to them to reach out to me. It was up to me to reach out to them. As I learned to do that more and more, my loneliness became less and less. Another cure for loneliness for me is keeping music on in the house, having fresh flowers, and turning on the lights. All these things add life.
Christine Baumgartner:
The loneliness can be heart-wrenching. You’re used to someone there all the time.
Small touches, chatting at the end of the day, reaching out in the night to just touch their hand. What helped me was to return to my volunteering because helping others and feeling needed gave me a more connected feeling to the world.
