WSN-MO: The Perfect Catch
WSN-MO Dating and Relationship Coach, Christine Baumgartner asks…
What are you going to be doing on New Year’s Eve?
I’ve been talking about the holiday season and widowhood for the past couple weeks. In those articles, I haven’t included the New Year’s celebration because it often impacts people differently than the rest of the holidays.
New Year’s is all about reminiscing about the year that is ending (which you may feel completely unable to do) and looking forward to the new year ahead (which may seem impossible to even imagine).
Just to remind you:
• Depending on how long it’s been since your spouse passed away, your feelings may still be pretty raw. Especially in that first year when you’re probably in a fog.
• Some people opt to keep their traditions going as always (and to talk and cry through the memories).
• Others find that’s just too hard, and want to do something completely different.
Something to ask yourself as New Year’s Eve approaches – will it help you more to be around a lot of people, a small number of people, or by yourself?
If you feel that being with “lots of people” is the right thing for you, here are a couple suggestions:
• Restaurant or nightclub. You can get dressed up, dance, and blow horns at midnight.
• Have you heard of “First Night”? This family-friendly event is available in various areas of the country (they do it where I live). The city closes the main street, and the local stores and restaurants stay open. Shuttles take people around to entertainment (bands, comedy shows, crafts for kids) being held at local theaters, gymnasiums, and museums. There’s a fireworks show at midnight.
If you prefer being with “just a few people”, here are some that have worked for me:
• Go out to the movies with a friend.
• Plan to go to someone else’s home (close friend or family member who knows how you’re feeling) for an evening of board game playing and good snacks. Then, watch the midnight celebrations on TV or computer.
• Go out to dinner. It’s important to pick a restaurant that won’t bring up memories.
If you feel like you want to spend the time by yourself, you could:
• Go on a trip locally or far away (once again pick a place that won’t bring up memories). Being away from home can help you not feel like you’re “trying to have” or “not trying to have” your normal traditions.
• Get a pile of movies for watching at home.
• Make plans ahead of time to have a healing ritual for yourself. Include candles and music if that appeals to you. You can meditate, cry, write a list of resolutions for next year, talk to your deceased spouse – whatever brings ease to your evening.
And to restate my advice from the last two weeks: “Just feel what you feel when you feel it.” Those huge waves of feeling that crash over you won’t last forever (they only feel that way).
I’m interested in hearing about your experiences as you go through the holidays this year. Send me an email.
Dating and Relationship Coach
The Perfect Catch
WSN-MO: A FEW IMPORTANT POINTS.
1. The services offered by Christine, herself a widow, does not include “dating or matchmaking services.”
2. Christine will NEVER have direct access to WSN-MO’s Facebook page. All postings will be facilitated through WSN-MO.
3. WSN-MO members can ask questions of Christine (even anonymously via private message to me) on our Facebook page which I will forward to her. You can also send questions to me at herb@WidowersSupportNetwork.com. Following, I will then post her responses.
4. WSN-MO members who wish to contact Christine directly are always free to do so c/o her website http://theperfectcatch.com.
Look for Christine’s advice every other Thursday.