Quick Hitters are brief responses to Questions posed by author Fred Colby to his fellow WSN contributors. They offer a variety of perspectives on some of the most challenging questions facing new widowers. Enjoy.

Quick Hitter Question #11: What was the most important “Eureka” moment that you had during your first year of grieving that helped you to get through it all?

Jim Winner:

I had a few Eureka moments… I suppose the most memorable one was the realization that I was actually happy. It was probably seven or eight months after her passing. I was in Florida, taking a walk down to the beach. I realized I felt good. I was there by myself and learned I was enjoying being by myself. I enjoyed going to the supermarket and picking up my own dinner. The Eureka moment that manifested itself to me at that point was that while a part of me had died, the largest part of me was still alive and thirsty for life.

Christine Baumgartner:

After my late husband’s sudden death, everything felt nothing and overwhelming at the same time all the time. It was like a roller coaster in the fog with twists and turns that came out of the blue and the emotions that would knock me to my knees.

I also realized that I couldn’t hear his voice or see his face in my head which felt very upsetting. My eureka moment was when I discovered this actually was a helpful protection from all the hard emotions that would have been very debilitating if I’d felt them completely that first year. During the second year, the fog started lifting and I appreciated that all the emotions I felt during that second year just would have been unbearable that first year.

I also had a second eureka moment, that first year realizing my emotions were really like the ocean. They would constantly go in and out like the waves. And the worse were the tsunamis. They would come out of nowhere and slam me to the ground and I’d feel like I was drowning. During this time, I was very dependent on my family and friends to help me ‘visually climb up on a boogie board’ to try and ride them out.

Cynthia Mascarenhas:

Throughout the first year, I struggled with conflicting emotions about my home of 25 years. I wanted to stay because it was the only place that held all my memories. Yet, I couldn’t breathe because it held all my memories. Sometimes I couldn’t go back home; at other times wild horses couldn’t drag me away. Finally, at the end of a year after his passing, I concluded that my best chance at survival was to move. My memories kept my husband alive in my mind in a very tangible way, and it caused me immense distress while I expectantly waited for him to return. Moving was tough but a necessary act of survival for me.