QUICK HITTER # 15
Quick Hitters are brief responses to Questions posed by author Fred Colby to his fellow WSN contributors. They offer a variety of perspectives on some of the most challenging questions facing new widowers. Enjoy.
Quick Hitter Question #15: I Need Help! What if You Have Children at Home?
Brian Doyle:
When my wife, Barbara, passed away, we still had four of the five children living at home. This included my fourteen-year-old daughter, Susie. For the first year, I did my best to be both mom and dad to my kids. Together, we tackled meals, laundry, and some other home tasks that were new to me. I also moved my laptop out of my office and into the kitchen each day so I would be able to see and talk to my kids as they came and went. Things were getting done, and we were processing our grief together.
It did become obvious to me that although I was making the effort, I was not an effective ‘mom’ to my young daughter. She needed a different touch. I needed help! So, I reached out to three women in our extended family who already loved my daughter and asked if they would be willing to become more intentionally engaged with her for this next season of life. They all said yes, and we created ‘Team Susie’.
They were able to do things I could not do and love my daughter in a way that only a woman could love on her. I needed to ask for help and then step back and trust God and allow these three women to do what I was not able to do.
Fred Colby:
For any widower who is left to raise children on his own, I strongly recommend:
The Group: Seven Widowed Fathers Reimagine Life by Donald Rosenstein and Justin Yopp
This book, written by two professionals who are experienced grief group leaders, “offers a singular perspective on grief by weaving together the latest thinking on bereavement, resiliency, and post-traumatic growth with the true story of seven men who were raising children on their own after the deaths of their wives. The men connected with each other almost immediately and, over the next several years, forged a deep bond as their monthly meetings evolved into a forum for healing and personal reinvention that transformed them in unexpected ways.”
If you are a widower and have young children, please read this book… you will not be disappointed.
