Quick Hitters are brief responses to Questions posed by author Fred Colby to his fellow WSN contributors. They offer a variety of perspectives on some of the most challenging questions facing new widowers. Enjoy.

Quick Hitter Question #16: A Common Refrain for Widowers: She Left Too Soon

Brian Doyle:

My wife, Barb, was 54 when she passed away from cancer. Our children were 14, 16, 18, 20 and 21. It really felt ‘too soon’. We missed her, and I was also bothered that my sweet wife would miss her so much.

She would not see any of her children graduate from college. She would not see any of them get

married. She would never meet any of her grandchildren. Too soon, too soon! I struggled with

this, and almost every person in my life would also say the words, ‘too soon’.

Then, one day, a couple of months after Barb passed, I picked up my Bible and read Psalm 139. I read verse 14, “I was fearfully and wonderfully made,” and thought of Barb. Then I read verse 16, “All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.” Stop – could this be? This means that Barb passed away right on time and not ‘too soon.” God knew her days; they were numbered as mine and yours.

Have you given this any thought? I find it to be comforting that Almighty God has numbered our days

and that evils like cancer are not in control – He is.

Fred Colby:

I think most of us fall into this common belief that our wives left too early. But many of us older widowers cannot help but feel some deep, empathetic pain every time we hear about fellow widowers who lost their wives while they were still in their 30s, 40s, or 50s.

As older widowers, we are aware of how fortunate we were to have our wives with us for so long. It may still seem that she left too soon, but over time, we do come to understand how blessed we were to have been able to grow together, to see our children off on their own, and to have experienced all that we did together.

Though still pained by her loss, I now give thanks for having had her in my life for so long. I give thanks for all the good she experienced and all the love that she shared with others during her life. I know that I am a better person largely because of her and how she helped me grow and become a better version of myself.

To my brothers who have lost their wives “too soon,” I send my love and support as you work your way through this challenging period, often made more difficult by still having children at home to support, nurture, and encourage. Please know that even though she did leave “too soon,” she was a blessing to you and your children. You can still remember, honor, and love her as you reengage with life and build it anew.