Vice Admiral Vivek Murthy is the Surgeon General of the United States. In his position, he addresses all matters of public health and offers advice on what he believes are the most pressing issues. Recently, he wrote and spoke in detail about one of the most pressing issues: loneliness. He equates it to smoking 15 cigarettes a day and believes it will shorten an individual’s life.
Dr. Murthy strongly believes that a lack of social connections will eventually lead to an increased risk of heart disease, stroke, and the potential of developing dementia and the possibility of premature death. His findings are frightening and caused me to pause and think about the number of widowers and widows who face these challenges when a loved one dies.
Each of us in this group has experienced the most difficult loss that one can encounter when one’s spouse dies. Our world collapsed; we were left with memories, photographs, videos, and pictures that recall our life as we begin to travel an uncharted path. Such trauma can lead us down a path of sadness and hopelessness and sometimes lead us to make poor choices. We may want to run away from sorrow and avoid contact with others. We may wish to dwell in the world of grief and struggle to find a new way of living our lives. We need to find the right path that can lead us to live our lives fully until our time expires.
The Surgeon General suggested various ways we can combat the epidemic of loneliness: Take time each week to connect with family or friends and make time to call the people who are important in your life. Speak on the phone; don’t text a few sentences or paragraphs to someone you love. My suggestion: go “old school”: talk on the phone and value the time you spend with your family members or friends. Repeat it once a week or more often if needed. Our well-being needs to maintain these social connections.
Find a club or group that interests you and participate in whatever activities interest you. Maybe it’s a book discussion club, a bowling league, a hiking group, a cooking class, or a dance class. A friend of mine who lost his wife ten years ago takes dance lessons every two weeks. He loves it and especially enjoys dancing with different instructors. He even met a woman he is dating through this important social interaction.
What Dr. Murthy proposes is what he calls a culture of connection. For our mental health and wellness, he wants all of us to stay connected with each other. Healing will not occur if we isolate ourselves and stay away from others. Our brother Grover in Texas offers a support group with dinner every month. Our brothers gather for a good meal, an opportunity to socialize and the most vital aspect of the gathering: time to speak with brothers who have experienced the loss of a spouse. Our unique group offers that invaluable opportunity.
Brothers, find the path that can lead you to peace, comfort, and solace. Maybe more importantly find your way to enjoy every day you and I have left in life.
