“What a powerful brotherhood I found when I discovered this book. It taught me that I am not alone in my grief, thoughts and conflicting emotions. There truly is “strength in numbers.” Get this book: It can be game changer for you.” Arnold L.
This quote is from a reader of my book (Widower to Widower). I know that readers of other books such as Herb Knoll’s The Widowers Journey have voiced similar thoughts.
We feel so isolated and alone when we begin our grief journey. Not only do we believe no one can understand what we are going through, but we also feel unable to convey what we are going through to others. We may feel desperate to have our wives back in our lives… and find ourselves in a deep void that is beyond our comprehension or ability to explain to anyone.
What we do want to share with others is so emotional, so painful, and so personal that we just don’t know how to communicate it. Let’s be blunt, men are awful when it comes to talking about feelings, desires, fears, and doubts. In fact, the only person we may ever have felt we could speak with is now gone!
When we most need someone to talk to, there is no one there. In order to speak of these things to anyone else, we desperately need to:
- feel safe to say it,
- trust the people we are sharing with,
- believe they can understand us, and
- know we can let our emotions out without losing our self-respect.
Years ago, before an infinite number of internet connections, a widower’s only choice was to find a counselor, minister, or friend to talk to. These people were often unprepared to deal with the severity of the widower experience. If you were lucky you might find a good one, but chances were that you would be left with nowhere to turn.
But now? It is changing dramatically. Ten years ago when I lost my wife the resources available online and in the bookstore were woefully limited. But now, besides Herb’s and my book there are new books coming out every few months. Widowers Support Network is available via (https://widowerssupportnetwork.com/) and with a Facebook page that offers connections for over 2000 members!
My Facebook posts (https://www.facebook.com/FredColbyAuthor) draw up to 500 visitors a day for some blog posts. And the National Widowers Organization (https://nationalwidowers.org/) offers a wide array of resources. In 2015 there were few Men’s Grief Groups available, but now they are becoming increasingly common as hospices, churches, and community organizations recognize the need for these groups to better serve widowers.
Why are there so many new resources now? Because there is a need, and a willingness by widowers to ask for help! Men have gradually become more open to accepting the help of others. This is just one more piece of that evolution.
Most importantly, widowers are now finding some critical help they need from their fellow widowers. This is evidenced in many posts on these websites and Facebook pages. Participants often rejoice over finding a band of brothers with whom they can commiserate, get support, and learn how to survive this hell-on-earth experience. The most common statement I hear goes something like this, “I no longer feel that I am alone.”
These sites also provide widowers with something we all need, the opportunity to help and support our fellow widowers. Our need to express love and caring for others does not die with our wives! If anything, this need is accentuated by her loss as we no longer have an easy outlet for those expressions.
So my Brothers in Grief, let us rejoice that we have found each other, and that we can learn how to heal both ourselves and our newfound friends through these and other vehicles. Blessings to you all!
© Copyright 2026 Fred Colby
All rights reserved
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Fred Colby is the author of:
Widower to Widower – available through most booksellers and libraries.
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