For the fifth time in over four years, I will face the holidays again without my wife, my life partner, the center of my universe, the one with whom I was joined at the hip, as my late wife would say. The first three without her were some of the most painful times in my life. I put on a happy face for my children and grandchildren. I felt it necessary to make sure I did not interrupt the fun and joy that characterizes the most wonderful time of the year. Sometimes, for those of us dealing with loss, the holidays can trigger so many painful experiences.
Two years ago, however, I decided to face the holidays not with a brave face but with a desire to start some new traditions and enjoy the season of light and hope. My grandchildren want to be with me at the house I share with my large dog and celebrate the way we did in the past. I told them we could never recapture what we had with “Grams,” as they called her, but we could try a few new things. We decorated the house with a new tree and put up new decorations around the outside of the house.
The youngest decided to put lots of treats on the back deck for the reindeer. Santa will have cookies and eggnog in the family room by the fireplace. He has enough food for at least a week or longer. The tree was put in a different spot in the living room. We decided to forsake the stockings because we always get tons of gifts. We also agreed to watch “Elf” together on Christmas Eve and enjoy a new tradition we started last year.
On Christmas day, we will still get up early to see the presents Santa Claus has given us. We will also share a good breakfast and, later in the day, enjoy a sumptuous ham dinner. We will watch some old movies, spend time away from cell phones, tablets, and laptops, and enjoy each other’s company. Yes, we are doing some things we did in the past, but we face the holidays not with worry or fear of tears being shed but with hope, laughter, and love. We are doing what my wife would want us to do. We are living in the moment to enjoy our time together.
We face the holidays not as something we need to get over and past. We face it as an opportunity to spend time as a family or with friends and share those things that unite us.
Friends, if you are alone this holiday, think about volunteering with an organization that feeds the homeless, delivers meals to the homebound, or brings presents to needy families. There are many opportunities to face the holidays without dread or darkness but with light and hope.
