Early Deaths Prompt Financial Planning
My father died when he was 33 years of age, leaving my mom to raise four kids by herself. She remarried a few years later. Then my stepdad died when I was 20 years old. These experiences made me realize the importance of getting my finances in order while still young. I bought life insurance, started an IRA investment account, wrote a will, and made sure that my wife was the primary beneficiary. However, I still was not prepared for the fiscal disruptions that occurred after losing my wife, Theresa, in 2015.
During one previous period (2008 – 2012) I was sure that I was going to die first due to a serious and rapidly spreading skin cancer. So, I doubled down on making sure my affairs were in order to insure my wife’s ability to survive comfortably after my death. Then, through a fortuitous set of circumstances I was healed in 2012. However, my wife and I suspected that my health record was a sure indicator that I would go first.
Challenges After Death of Wife
Then suddenly in 2015 my wife passed as a result of uterine cancer. I was so shocked and angry over the injustice of her early demise, that I did not think about the finances for a while. Eventually I came out of deep grieving and realized that everything about our finances had been structured for her survival, not mine! She had no life insurance policy, her IRA was small, and I had given little thought to what I would do without her.
After getting copies of my wife’s death certificates I began the tedious task of changing everything over to my name, including bank accounts, investment accounts, property deeds, automobiles, charge accounts, and much more. It took almost a year to find and change everything. Often the process (such as notifying Social Security) would seem confusing and stressful. Things like what to do with her Facebook page, emails, phone records & photos, and more were sometimes painful to deal with. Once in a while I could ask my daughters to help me.
Financial Threats Facing Widowers
Many widowers face loss of spousal income, huge medical or funeral costs, or diminished assets resulting from long term care. Some may have left financial planning to their spouse, and may not know where the checkbook is, much less investment account information. This can make the task seem overwhelming and lead to inertia or poor decisions made in haste. Unfortunately, it also leaves you open to fraud as “widower hunters” seek you out through you or your wife’s Facebook pages, dating sites, and dark web sites where listings of the recently widowed are sold. The obituary pages are a resource for these crooks. This is a time that requires additional security and alertness, especially when dealing with others online.
Another threat can be family members who expect to receive immediate benefits in the form of estate distributions, insurance payments, or IRA account payouts. This can put tremendous emotional pressure on a widower at a time when he is ill-equipped mentally to deal with these demands. The temptation can be to give it all away and forget about their own self-interest. This in turn can lead to future financial challenges.
This brings me to an important piece of advice we all hear repeatedly, a piece of advice that has proven its value over and over again for thousands of widowers: WAIT AT LEAST A YEAR BEFORE MAKING ANY MAJOR DECISIONS.
This applies to selling your house, marrying again, leaving your job, and distributing your assets. I know of many widowers who ignored this advice and paid a heavy price for it, diminishing their quality of life going forward. Sometimes we have no choice and must make these decisions before a year is up. But even then, you can still tell everyone, “Time out, I am going to take a little extra time to make this decision. You will just have to wait.” If others are putting heavy pressure on you, that is probably an indicator that you should not give in and make an immediate decision.
Protecting Yourself
When it comes to your finances and re-marrying, be extra careful to allow yourself the time to explore all options. Wait until you feel that your head is on right and capable of making good decisions. I know there was a time in my deep grieving where I did not feel capable of this. Whatever you do, don’t do this alone. If you can, see a counselor and talk through the big decisions before you leap and are stuck with the results.
Wings for Widows
If you find yourself overwhelmed and not equipped to tackle all of the financial questions and pressures facing you, there is one great resource that you can turn to free of charge… Wings for Widows. This nonprofit was established just for this purpose. Their services include:
- Financial coaching from Certified Financial Planners who specially trained to help widows – select the financial advisor of your choice to work alongside you AT NO COST.
- Widow Wise University – a comprehensive online course on finances (offered at nominal charge)
- Resource Center – free access to a wealth of free information and resources curated for your convenience to help you navigate the challenges of early widowhood
For more information go to: Wings for Widows
© Copyright 2026 Fred Colby
All rights reserved
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