I had the pleasure of spending Halloween with my children and grandchildren in South Carolina last week. My son and daughter-in- law built a beautiful, haunted house that welcomed over 350 children who screamed and hollered as they encountered a plethora of ghouls and goblins. It was a night of fun and many laughs.

The next day my phone, every television station in between political ads and the local shopping center reminded me over and over again it’s the Holiday season. Thanksgiving is quickly passed over and the time for Christmas and Hannukah is rapidly approaching. It’s called the season of lights and celebration. Yet for those of us who continue to deal with grief it’s a struggle as we deal with our pain, sadness and sorrow.

Unfortunately, memories of our past celebrations flash through our minds and we can be filled with memories that bring sadness. For me it’s been almost 4 and ½ years so the pain is less but it still brings tears and times of sorrow. How can I best deal with the world that is telling me it’s the most wonderful time of the year? I have a few suggestions: first take a little time to reflect on what the season means to you. For my wife and I it was a time of celebration, fun and sharing dinners with family and friends. We would travel to see old friends and share a meal and good times together.

I try to reach out to my friends and arrange a visit with lunch or dinner. I know it’s not the same but it’s a new memory that I can share. It’s a time to speak about my late wife and share stories from the past and celebrate what she loved. I have realized that by sharing stories I keep her memory alive, and I pass freely to others what she loved doing: spending time with loved ones.

Secondly, I decorate my house for Christmas. It was what my wife loved doing. For the first couple of years, I just could not do it. Then one day last year before the holiday season I called an old friend and said I needed help. Please work with me and decorate my house. He responded immediately. I could see my wife smiling down on me when we finished the work. It looked great and many neighbors thanked me for doing it. It feels good that others appreciate what we do.

Thirdly I host a potluck dinner. I invite my friends, family members and neighbors. I thoroughly enjoy the time we gather to share some food and fun. My relatives showed up and several enjoyed travelling to the party. Yes, I can’t replicate the past. I can, however, try to relive the fun my wife and I had when she was alive. I will never have as much fun as we did in the past, but I can create new memories. I can welcome new friends, and I can keep what she loved alive.

I am sure each of you has ideas about how to survive the holidays. It takes a little imagination and sometimes a need to push yourself, but it is worth it.