Please permit me to use a little literary license with the word Widower strict grammarians and all English teachers would call a noun. It’s a proper name and, as such, falls under the noun category. I, however, want to play with the word and change it into a verb. By making it an action word, I can redefine its meaning and maybe, just maybe, give it a different perspective.
A widower is defined as a person who has lost his spouse. It comes from an Indo-European word that means to “be empty.” How fitting to use the words to be empty. It is precisely the feeling we have when we first lose our spouse. As married people, we are often referred to as a couple, with one usually the wife, certainly in my case, as the better half. But now that I stand alone, I feel that emptiness. I sense the feelings of loss, profound sorrow, and loneliness. I don’t have a purpose or meaning, my reason to do things has faded away, and I don’t know where to go or what to do. Yes, in many ways, I am lost.
Take a step back for a few minutes and think not about this title Widower as a verb with a new definition. Let’s make it an action word. It is not the new definition of who I am, but rather, as a verb, it is an opportunity for me to move in a new direction and become someone new. Let me state that I am not saying to cast aside how you feel or the grief that will sometimes overwhelm you and prevent you from moving forward but embark on it as a part of you but not the summary of your life.
As an action word, Widower means I am moving in a new way and learning how to do things by myself; I am creating new paths and opportunities. I am still the same person with the same skills and abilities, but now I am taking all those beautiful memories and gifts my wife gave me and helping to build the legacy she wants me to create. Think of the times you and your spouse did fun things together. Let that laughter and joy come back and fill your new life. Take some steps to find the new you.
I commit myself to calling old friends every week. I spend time speaking with various people each week and deciding whether to meet or chat on the phone, do a Zoom meeting, or get together for dinner and have a few laughs. It’s good for your mental health, and it’s a fun activity. I plan trips to visit relatives. It gives me something to look forward to and always an opportunity to meet other people and stay focused on the new me.
As a widower who has become a verb, I am taking action, moving forward, and doing what can help me become a better person and a source of strength to others. My wife made me a better man, husband, and father. I owe her that legacy – a debt that I plan to repay.
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Tom Peyton has been a member of the Widower’s Support Network – Members Only since May 2020. Tom also Chairs a WSN Meet-up Group in Upstate New York, where he resides.
