There are many factors that can positively and negatively affect a relationship… excess baggage, shared interests, attraction and even cold feet.
But when money and love collide, that gets tricky. Combining love, widowhood and wealth can be even trickier, but not impossible. Here is what I learned when I began dating again after the death of my spouse.
A BIT ABOUT ME AND MARY
As many readers know, my wife Mary died in 2020 and I became a widower. I was left with a far more complicated financial life than when we married, and all we needed was a joint bank account, our small condo, and no financial plan whatsoever.
Today, I own a business, a family home, rental properties, a vacation home, RRSPs, TFSAs and cash accounts. I’m a member of a corporate pension plan and I’m eligible for government benefits, including our federal pension and CPP survivor’s pension. It’s so complicated that I hire people to handle it all.
Mary and I worked hard for our money, and I want our mutual assets to be eventually inherited by our children.
But wait, what if I decided to remarry or cohabitate with another woman? Should the sensitive topic of money be discussed? Read on.
SCROLL DOWN BEFORE SWIPING RIGHT
Are you ready to date again? Before setting up your profile on one or more online dating apps, ask yourself if you’re ready to date again. Trust me, this is not an easy question to answer. I spent two difficult years trying.
At first, I thought loving another woman would be cheating on Mary. Over time, a different perspective emerged, the idea of infinite love. Imagine your children. When your first child is born, she or he receives all the love. With each subsequent child, the love is shared equally without diminishing.
That’s infinite love. Love with the same devotion and commitment you gave your late spouse, without guilt.
MY SECRET TO MONEY HARMONY: MINE, YOURS AND OURS
There’s the old Sinatra song, “Love and Marriage”, and that applies to a second love as well. Remarriage may well be in the cards for me, and perhaps for you too.
If so, the “money talk” will come up… eventually. Experience tells us that money issues often leads to relationship issues, but who wants to discuss finances when you’re in love?
While many couples ignore the topic and hope it doesn’t cause too many problems down the road, I believe the conversation can be as simple as “mine, yours and ours” – a strategy that’s pretty self-explanatory.
Let’s look at one scenario, that of your Will:
- Partner A (mine) has a net worth of $1,000,000. Partner B’s (yours) is $5,000,000
If you wish to bequeath your personal assets to your kids, you should hold your assets individually. Make this known to your new partner, and have the understanding legalized with a prenuptial or cohabitation agreement.
Thus, each partner maintains separate banks and investment accounts and would select their individual children as beneficiaries. Each partner would also choose third-party executors (family or a trust company) to help settle their respective Wills and estates, as well as appointing Powers of Attorney who will act in their best interest.
Maintain Money Harmony
- Keep separate banks and investment accounts
- Register your children as beneficiaries of their assets
- Choose separate third-party executors to settle respective Wills
- Appoint Powers of Attorney for property and personal care
- SO MANY QUESTIONS
Remarriage can raise so many questions – most of which only the two of you can answer.
a) Houses
If both partners own a house, which do you live in? Who owns it? How’s it paid for? Do you keep it or buy a new home together?
b) Common expenses
How are household expenses allocated? Is it 50-50 or should expenses be paid based on ability to pay or usage? Is a joint chequing account for expenses necessary?
b) Retirement plans
Should both partners retire at the same time? Do both partners have enough money to maintain their lifestyle in retirement? If you don’t both retire at the same time, does the working or more affluent partner support the other?
c) Investment strategies
Do both of you follow similar investment strategies? If not, are portfolio gains and losses shared or taken individually? Do partners use the same professional advisors?
d) Health consideration
If one partner is sick, is the other prepared to help with time and or money? What if long-term care is ultimately necessary? Does Power of Attorney enter the picture?
e) Kids and aging parents
Suppose aging parents become financially dependent – and what about financial assistance for children? Is it solo or shared responsibility?
FINAL THOUGHTS
Personally and professionally, I believe it’s critical to protect yourself and your family when considering repartnering. This isn’t pillow talk for some later date; seriously discuss a mutual financial strategy, arrive at a consensus, then formalize it legally.
Those are my thoughts. What are yours? Do you think having the “money talk” early makes sense or will it jeopardize the budding relationship?
Like I said. So many questions.
