One of the many amazing things that I experienced in being a part of this group is the vast array of opinions, love, and breathtaking beauty that has been taken from us all. The beautiful pictures and the outpouring of grief are among the many things that are meaningful to me.
At times, your expressions take me back to sitting in the seat you express. I see the love in the pictures you share; I sometimes feel the depth of your despair. The talent of my fellow authors makes me proud to be among the contributors. This community is a very special place.
Personally, the road that I have traveled since losing my wife, Robyn, just over seven years ago has, in a word, been complex at times. Most of the time, my support system lives parallel to my experiences, but I have long understood that most of the road, I had to travel alone. The truth is, frequently, my thoughts, feelings, and emotions are closely intertwined, and only time can give them the proper amount of space to settle into a healthy balance. There are so many things that, as I reflect today, I had so completely wrong. What was I thinking?
So why did I title this article “Hanging in There”? Because brothers, as trite as that may sound, it is precisely what we must embrace and do. Hanging in there sometimes feels like you barely make it; hanging in there fatigues you mentally and physically. Hanging in there, even at times, makes you believe that it is easier just to give up. But I am here to tell you that I am a witness to why you must not give up. I must encourage you to “Hang in There”!
One of my fundamental beliefs about relationships is that I know what love looks, feels, and acts like. I am proud that I have not relented in my standards regarding that aspect of my life.
However, I am happy to report that I have recently experienced a breakthrough in this area. I can officially say that I am in love. Just publicly saying those words come with a certain amount of anxiety. Anxiety, not me! I am the coolest, most controlled cucumber in the grocery department. Letting go of the need to be in control or cool (neither of which I was indeed ever) has allowed me to experience love again.
The best part of this current feeling is that it is different from the love I experienced with my late wife, but it exists because of my love with my late wife. I was a man who almost relegated myself to the prison of the belief that love did not “owe me” anything else. With that limited mindset, I had locked myself in an emotional cell that had me not entirely giving myself to anybody or anything. “Hang in There,” brothers! This version of love is realistic, exciting, fresh, and comforting. Being a part of building and moving closer together is exhilarating. Telling someone what makes me happy, hearing about another person’s upbringing, simply having someone say, “What can I do for you,” and genuinely desiring to do so is magical. Life is good. I am sure there will be challenges; many things of value come with some combination of hard work and sacrifice. I can truly say I am all in!
I have no fear of failure; let me take that back. I may still have a little trepidation, but I trust what I feel. I do not worry that we may not feel the same now. I am ready once again to take a chance on love.
So, I say hang in there to my brothers, who are still at the heartbreak stage. For those that have successfully navigated a second act, I say thank you for paving the way. I say hang in there for those who felt as I did that love does not owe us anything else. Because as it says in the bible, “after we suffer a while,” all things are possible.
Terrell Whitener is an author, motivational speaker, and coach. Based in St. Louis, Missouri, Terrell is the author of The First 365, Learning to Live After Loss. Terrell can be reached at his newly redesigned website, thedebriefgroup365.com. There, you will find all my social media contacts or through the Widowers Support Network.
