Let me begin by stating that the title of my article was sent to me by a friend who asked if I had ever heard about the three c’s of grief. I told him I never heard about it but was fascinated by the three words: Choose, Connect, and Communicate. In my research, I discovered that many therapists and grief counselors have both studied and commented on these three words and believe they are vital tools that help a person who has experienced loss. I am convinced they are essential in navigating the road we call grief.
Those of us who walk this road know that grief is a marathon. It is not a short path; it requires lots of work every day, combined with training and repetitive acts that require us to work hard and suffer pain and tears at times. The three c’s are part of the marathon we grief travelers should follow if we want to turn our pain into purpose and discover the new ways we can live our forever-changed lives.
Let me emphasize that I am suggesting that these are tools we can use to help us grow and move forward. It simply means you take the gifts and love your spouse gave you and form them into a new path in your new life.
Let’s examine each of the c’s: Choose
We get to choose what is the best path for us. When we lose a loved one, we feel lost, afraid, confused, overwhelmed, and uncertain of how our lives can move forward. The grief brain or the fog we experience is so heavy at times that we don’t know how to proceed. I wear glasses to see all the time. In my early days of grief, I would go into the shower with my glasses on and just stand there while the water hit my face and body. I was so disoriented and felt I could not even take a shower properly. Eventually, I took off my glasses and was able to shower normally. It took time for me to find my direction and figure out what I needed to do. I realized one day, I could choose how to move forward in my life. I have the power to choose, and that has helped me gain control of my life. I was not only choosing simple things like a shower, going to the store, or doing ordinary chores, but I would make choices that could help me follow the path toward healing.
My choices led me to the 2nd C: Connections.
I chose to see a therapist: I chose to join a support group and share my story. My mind became unburdened as I spent time with people who understood me and accepted me as a part of the group. In the support group, I found men who suffered from the same pain I did, and they welcomed me and gave me solace and support. I listened to their stories and learned there is a path that can lead one to a new purpose in life. I also became a teacher to friends and others by sharing my story with them. It led me to the 3rd C: Communicate.
The third C: Communicate
I told my friends I don’t need you to ask how I am doing; I just need you to listen to me. I need you to be present and to walk beside me. I need you to share stories with me about my late wife and laugh and smile as we talk about her. My tears may make you uncomfortable, but it is part of my healing process.
We can use three simple words as we navigate the road of grief. I encourage you to practice the three Cs, which I believe can make the journey a little easier and certainly much richer.
