As I have stated in the past, people often ask me what to say to someone who has lost a loved one. In this grief-averse society, people just don’t know what to say. They feel uncomfortable offering the old platitudes or phrases that we often recite. Usually, people offer the two words: I’m sorry or the phrase I am sorry for your loss. Unfortunately, we are afraid that we may offend someone if we say the wrong words.

Recently, I heard television commentators using the phrase I use in my column after they describe a brief obituary about someone who has died. It caught my attention and led me to do a little research on the phrase. Sharonna Pearl is a Professor in the Nursing Department at Drexel University in Pennsylvania and often writes articles for Tablet Magazine. She wrote a very interesting article about the title I use for my column that sheds an interesting light on a phrase that I think can be of comfort and solace during a time of grief.

Sharonna Pearl noted that this Hebrew phrase has found its way into non-Jewish places and is becoming part of the mainstream. “There are many Jewish expressions like “shtick or “klutz” or “chutzpah” that are part of everyday language. This phrase, however, about a blessing is something different. As Pearl says: “It’s not funny nor is it something you would have heard on Seinfeld. It is, however, powerful, meaningful and sincere”.

What I love about this phrase is that it invites us to view death differently than the trite expressions we offer in times of loss. It calls us to reflect on our memories of our loved ones. When death occurs, we naturally think immediately of loss, pain, tears, and suffering. We are anxious, upset, confused, and unable to move in any direction as the loss takes away our sense of direction. Where do I go? What do I do?

This phrase calls us to recall the life of our loved one. It invites us to think about those memories, both the good and the sad ones. It tells us to recall those moments as a blessing. It’s not meant to be a platitude but an opportunity to remember those times that shaped our lives with our loved ones. It reminds us we are not alone and that our loved ones are still a part of our lives.

It tells us that even though society may tell us to move on we stand firm in moving forward guided by the love that we still share with our loved one. Death takes a life, but I can never take away love. Love is a bond that can never die.