Quick Hitters are brief responses to Questions posed by author Fred Colby to his fellow WSN contributors. They offer a variety of perspectives on some of the most challenging questions facing new widowers. Enjoy.

Quick Hitter Question #13: I have never been to a therapist. What should I expect?

Jim Winner:

I went to a therapist… As a matter of fact, I still see one now, five years later… I was happy at how much my therapist wanted to talk about my wife, and not just about me. If you go to a therapist, you should expect to allow yourself to be vulnerable, honest, open, and raw.  The benefit of raw emotions, crying or whatever you need is preemptive to healing.

Christine Baumgartner:

Talking to a trained therapist can help you feel so normal. Grieving can feel very abnormal and unmanageable. A therapist’s vast training and experience can show you how normal and manageable your feelings can be.

Start with referrals from your doctor or friends. My suggestion is to always interviewat least 3 therapists. Most will offer you a 15-20 free introductory conversation. Trust your instincts in your selection. And if you find you’re not a match please change. Their job is to help you through your emotional journey by assisting you learn how to improve your emotional life.

Fred Colby:

Without the help of a therapist, I doubt that I could have made it through the grieving process as well as I did. The therapist’s office was my safe place to talk about any topic (and I do mean ANY). This allowed me to discuss all the fears and doubts I was facing, as well as a growing desire for female companionship a few months after my Theresa passed away.

I always recommend that you call ONLY Grief Counselors, not general therapists. Widowers, especially, face some complex challenges that general therapists may not be familiar with or prepared to help you with. Make use of their skills and knowledge by being open and honest about your thoughts and feelings. As you build a level of trust between the two of you, you can make full use of their services and maximize the benefit to your healing process.

If you are not happy with the first therapist you meet with, don’t be shy about changing therapists. You need to find the one that works best for you. Generally speaking, I found that most widowers were pretty happy with Grief Counselors they found through Hospices.