A few days ago, I received word that an old friend of mine, whom I have known for over 15 years, passed away. The last time we spent any time together was well over a year ago. Despite reaching out to him several times, he chose not to respond. I knew from other friends he was ill and respected his privacy. I would text him or make a phone call, but he did not respond. I believe he was dealing as best he could with his final days and did not want anyone to feel sorry for him. He lived a good life; he was married for over 40 years to his lovely bride and raised two children. He served his country during the Vietnam War but never spoke about his time in the service. He was a proud yet humble man who never looked for praise or recognition. He was a man of deep faith who would always offer a helping hand.
As I reflect on his death and think about my late wife’s death several years ago, I reflect on the ways I could have been present to the most important people in my life. After my wife died, I was filled with many regrets. I wished I had done this; I wished I had said I love you more often. I wish we had spent more time talking about how much she meant to me and how her life was a gift to me.
Regrets, second guesses, and wishing I had done things differently are all part of the bereaved experience. How often have you heard someone say, “I wish I had one more day to say so many things to my loved one?” We would not be satisfied with a single day; we would want so much more. I think it is important to reach out now to people we love and share with them how much they mean to us.
When I speak with my children and my male or female friends, I end the conversation with “I Love You.” I want them to know how much they mean to me. If, for some reason, one of us dies, our last conversation will end with “I Love You.” Three simple words that carry a wealth of meaning.
As I read the words people shared on the Facebook page of my friend who passed away, I saw so many expressing regret and wishing they had said how much my friend meant to each of them. I am not attempting to toot my own horn, but I am trying to emphasize how important it is to let our loved ones know how much they are a part of our lives.
No one likes to talk about death, and most people are uncomfortable speaking about the topic. Next time you are with your loved ones, share how much you care about them. Experience the joy and gratitude that they bring to your life. Appreciate every day each of us has left and smile, laugh, and have fun. Your loved ones will appreciate you, and when that day comes, they will celebrate you and recall with fondness how much you mean to them. Yes, sadness will initially hold each of us, but one day, gratitude and empathy will be the dominant forces in our lives.
