Author: Fred Colby

  • Widower: Healthy vs. Unhealthy Grief

    If you love someone and you lose them, you are going to grieve… there is no getting around it! But, is there a way to grieve that is healthy for you? Or a way that is unhealthy? Based on my own experience and what I have heard from hundreds of widower, the answer is a […]

  • Widower: When Can I Stop Grieving?

    When I ask former members of my Men’s Grief Group why they stopped coming to the group, the most common response is, “I just did not want to grieve anymore, and the groups became a downer after I had begun to feel better.” I often hear the same story from widows, who had stopped attending […]

  • WIDOWER: NEW RELATIONSHIPS

    While being prepped for an emergency hernia operation four months after my wife’s death, I instructed the doctors three times that I wanted a “Do Not Resuscitate” order in place. I saw this as an opportunity to rejoin my wonderful wife of 45 years. Many hours later ― I woke up! The immediate question that […]

  • Grief is Love

    Three years ago, I would have used the following words to define “grief:” physical and emotional pain, suffering, anguish, cruelty, punishment, abandonment, loss of self, guilt, misery, and loneliness. I experienced all of these, and I saw no way to survive them or to become whole again. I found the same to be true of […]

  • Widower: How Grief Changes Us

    Grief, really deep grief, can change you!  I see examples of this change through my men’s grief group, responses to my online blogs, online widowers groups, and chance meetings I have with fellow widowers in my community.  This change does not happen overnight, it can take months if not years to happen.  Many are shocked […]

  • Widower: Experiences All the Same??

    WSN-MO: Widower to Widower with Fred Colby  One thing I have learned since my wife passed over three years ago, is that much in my experience has common elements with that of other widowers, but we each also have some very unique components in our individual journeys. Discovering our common elements provides comfort and encouragement […]

  • Widower: Financial Land Mines

    My father died when he was 33 years of age, so I realized the importance of getting my finances in order while still young. I bought life insurance, started an IRA investment account, wrote a will, and made sure that my wife was the primary beneficiary.  During one period (2008 – 2012) I was sure […]

  • Widower: Anger – Fight It or Accept It?

    Shortly after my wife’s death, I went to the mountains by myself for a week and screamed as loud and often as I wanted to. But now, 3 ½ years later, I no longer feel the intensity of anger I felt then. I soon forget how easy it was to cut myself off from others […]

  • Widower: Avoiding Downward Spirals

    Grief can pummel you physically, emotionally, and mentally in ways that make you feel as if you will never be able to live a normal life again. The physical pain can drive you to your knees. At times you may just sit on the stairs and sob. Mentally, you can find yourself incapable of processing […]

  • Widower: Grieving Can Weaken or Strengthen Your Family

    As I sank into deep grieving after my wife’s death, I became increasingly concerned about my sanity and ability to make sound decisions. At times the world around me seemed surreal, my short and long term memory became suspect, and I often just wanted to shut the door on everyone and just hide in my […]