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Widowers and Self-Punishment
In many cultures and religions, self-flagellation is accepted as an appropriate way to drive the demons, bad thoughts, and immoral behaviors out of oneself. Often, movies depict this with a person whipping themselves with a short whip or leather braids. Now while we may not resort to this kind of physical purging, we often do…
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Giving up the darkness in my life
A few days ago, I had a conversation with my grief counselor, who also happens to be an Episcopal priest. Father Joe, as he is affectionately known, has an abundance of wisdom combined with immeasurable compassion and a keen sense of understanding the human spirit. I told him I knew this was his “busy season”…
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Younger Widowers and Tuition
A young widow wondered: How can I ever pay their tuition? WILL BEING A PARENT ON YOUR OWN PUT YOUR CHILDREN’S FUTURE EDUCATION AT RISK? My kids’ post-secondary educations were taken care of well before my wife died. Younger solo parents may be far less prepared. When Mary passed away in 2020, my kids were…
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QUICK HITTERS # 1
Quick Hitters are brief responses to questions from author Fred Colby to his fellow WSN contributors. They offer a variety of perspectives on some of the most challenging questions facing new widowers. Enjoy. Quick Hitter Question: When can I start dating again? (PART 1) Contributor: Jesse Brisendine You can start dating whenever you want. The…
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Leaving Your House Forever
My wife died in October 2010, and I lived alone in my house in Indianapolis until recently. She and I bought our house in 1993 when we moved from another state. At that time, our three children lived at home and were in grades 11, 8, and 4 at school. One by one, the kids…
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Role Changes After Loss
Many of us have lived two lives concurrently. The first is our Home-Life, with our wife and family. Most of us also have or had a Work-Life with our co-workers, customers, bosses, etc. Each of these lives is often very different and distinct from the other. If we become too immersed in one, the other…
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What Have I Learned in 18 Months
I have never paid more attention to milestones than I have since losing my wife. I’m on the cusp of 18 months without her, and it hit me recently that I am in a much different place than I was 18 months ago. I recently had this discussion with my grief counselor. I have been…
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The Past
Recently I had a number of conversations with family and friends about the past. The collective consensus from our group discussions was as follows: the past gives meaning to our lives; it’s what defines us. It started when each of us was born x number of years ago. It defined our family, the schools we…
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Life is Best When Lived in Pencil – Part 3
My last blog talked about self-care and looking out for number 1 (us!). I want to dig into that a little deeper today. To me, the most critical component of self-care is recognizing and embracing our inner truth. My inner truth is a feeling deep in my core. It’s the “ thing” that can keep…
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Valentine’s Day for the Broken-hearted
February 14th conjures up images of love and romance. Yet, some of us have only memories to hold on grasp. Yet others have reminders of broken promises, emotional abandonment, and worse. I ask myself, “How do I celebrate this special day of love without the one I love?” My heart, which still bursts with love,…
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