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YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU THINK YOU CANNOT!
How often have you said or thought, “I can’t do that! I am not good at it and never will be.” For me, it was math. God, how I hated math. I was a classic straight “D” student through elementary, middle, and high school. Then, something happened. During my third try at college, I got…
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Surprises
My Late wife, Jan, and I were in a terrible car crash in January 2018. She spent seven hours in surgery, was hospitalized for a month, and was at home as an invalid for the next four months. Outpatient rehab followed for the remainder of the year. The car we were in that day was…
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Keep trying to be the man she loved.
Recently I was watching a tv show in which one character; a widower asked another character; also, a widower slightly longer in grief than the first character “How do I go on? I am lost. “The character who had been a widower longer paused and then said; “I keep trying to be the man she…
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The Heart Expands
I had known one of Dana’s best friends (Laura) since first grade. With nowhere to really go where I felt comfortable, I started stopping by her apartment after Dana’s death. We’d share stories of Dana, while allowing each other to be comfortable in our grief. Shortly thereafter, Shelly moved in with Laura. I vaguely knew…
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My Breakout Year
Several months ago, I shared that 2023 would be my “breakout year.” At the time, I didn’t know what that meant, except I intended to focus on myself and the beginning of my new life following the loss of my beloved Jan, my wife and soul mate, for 51 years. I had spent the second…
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Enjoying Old Age
The following is an essay for some of the older widow-men. I’m eighty-three years old and have been a widow-man since October 2010. In the past, I have written columns about some aspects of a man’s life after losing his wife to death. Now I’m writing about being an old man. This may not be…
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HEAD-BASED VS. HEART-BASED
David Knapp One of the potential grieving methods I found could be called “head-based vs. heart-based” grieving. The head-based part would be when I used simple logic to deal with my loss. “She’s in a better place.” “I am strong and can get through this.” “I know things will get better for me.” The use…
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LOVE HURTS
Most of us over 50 remember the popular song, Love Hurts, written by Boudleaux Bryant and sung by Roy Orbison, Nazareth, Everly Brothers, and many others. The first lyrics, though written for the pain of young love, apply equally to the pain we feel when our wives pass: Love hurtsLove scarsLove wounds and marksAny…
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Transitions
When a widower finds a new love interest and the opportunity for her to visit the home arises, the question of what to do about pictures of his late wife and other reflections of her in the home occurs, too. Jasmine had a refined artistic touch that flowed from her Japanese cultural heritage. Her fingerprints…
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What’s your mountain?
I live in Indiana. It’s flat. Think pancake flat. But I’m climbing a mountain. So are you. As surviving spouses, we all climb the “second mountain” in life. I just finished an interesting book titled The Second Mountain. While the book isn’t written from a grief perspective, it speaks to many of our challenges. As…
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